#and if she wants to be happy she gotta find herself a partner who values yogurt as much as she does

[lactodebillus-bulgaricus]

nyo!bulgaria *holds a pot of yogurt with a disappointed look* : if I can't make the best yogurt, nobody would want to marry me! :'(

romania: I'd marry you, your yogurt-making skills don't matter to me! :D

nyo!bulgaria: EW GO AWAY WHY WOULD I WANT TO MARRY A GUY WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE VALUE AND GLORY AND IMPORTANCE OF YOGURT

[kakashiswilloffire]

Congratulations on a 100! Can I request a female reader and a scenario where Kakashi discovers in a very shocking way that his s/o is pregnant? Please don't mind not writing if it bothers you. Stay hydrated and have a nice day regardless!🌸

thank you for the request!! hope you enjoy!!

***

A Kunoichi's Suprise

ao3

words: 1.9k

kakashi x fem!reader, fluff, reader is pregnant

***

“I do hate to do this to you, but you’re the best choice. There’s not an Inuzuka available who has the security clearance necessary, which makes you the only ninken-user I can assign this to.”

Kakashi nodded and shrugged, brushing off the unspoken apology. “I understand, it’s no issue.”

Tsunade pursed her lips into a thin line, nodding solemnly. “If it wasn’t so time-sensitive, I’d put someone else on it, I swear.” She tucked a loose strand of her silvery blond hair behind her ear and shuffled the papers on her desk, bringing a personnel file to the top. “And to accompany you… Again, I’m really sorry, but she’s the only one who makes sense. She was in the area most recently out of all available jonin and her weapons expertise makes her the best candidate to accompany you.”

His eyebrows dipped together in mild confusion. He would have requested this partner if she hadn’t been assigned—he agreed fully that they would make the best team for this recovery mission. Shaking it off, he nodded again. “Sounds great, Lady Fifth. Anything else?”

Tsunade let out a breath she had been half holding and leaned back in her chair. Tonton gave a relieved squeak and Shizune pulled her closer to her chest. The Hokage dragged her hands across her eyes, then leaned forward on her elbows.

“Glad you’re taking this so well. I thought you’d at least argue about your fiancé going with you, if not objecting to being sent on a mission right now at all.”

Kakashi jerked his head backwards and to the side, scanning over the Sannin with his single vibrant, gray eye. “I’m sorry if I gave you the impression I like to argue with superiors, Tsunade-sama. That’s really more Naruto’s thing.” She snorted, and he took it as a good sign. “When would you like us to head out? Thirty minutes?”

Immediately, Tsunade shot him down. “She needs a medic to look her over before she can go into the field. I’m happy to do it myself. Her training with her team ends at noon, right?” She glanced at the clock, then gestured to Shizune. “Send Kotetsu or Izumo to pull her, we can’t wait that long.” With a quick nod, she ducked out of the room. “Meanwhile, you can go pack bags for you both. Be sure to grab her med pack, I’ll probably need to give her a bonus prescription or two for the journey.”

At this point, Kakahi’s confusion could no longer be dismissed. Why would his fiancé need extra medication for a mission? He had just seen you when you left to meet your team of genin, and you hadn’t mentioned anything. Maybe the stomach bug you had had a few weeks ago had been worse than you let on?

“Sorry, prescriptions? Are we facing potential poisoning?” He tried, looking for an explanation.

Tsunade shook her head firmly. “Anything is possible, but I’m not concerned about it.” She ran her hand backward through her hair, shaking it gently toward the ends and letting it fall out of the way. “More concerned with making sure she’s getting the correct nutrients. I’ve been working on the nutritional value of shinobi rations, but it’s hard to find something that’s shelf stable, lightweight, and compact without just being food pills.”

Kakashi agreed, a debate he had heard on nearly every long term mission. “So you’ll give us both supplements, fair. Should we do my physical now while we wait on my fiancé to arrive?” He relished the words in his mouth, the phrase “my fiancé” almost a dream to him, even still.

She gave a bemused chuckle, glancing the scarecrow of a man up and down. “Why, you have some kind of boo-boo you need me to kiss?” Tsunade returned to the paperwork on her desk, shuffling it again and pulling the shinobi copy of the mission details file out, holding it out to him. “I trust you to get whatever nutrients you need after all these years of life, Bakashi,” she teased.

He didn’t move to take the file. “What’s going on?” he demanded, as respectfully as absolutely necessary. “What’s going on that she needs a medical check and extra medication to travel on a mission? Why did you think I would object to being paired with her? It’s not our first mission together, not even since we got engaged. What am I forgetting?”

Tsunade didn’t react to his interrogation, continuing to organize paperwork and leaning down to pull open a drawer in her desk, sliding his and your personnel files inside. “The fetus, maybe?” She offered, waving a hand like it was obvious.

The what?

For a moment, Tsunade could almost hear the cogs grinding in the shinobi’s head. You passing him every drink that had been pushed on you in the last few weeks, the stomach bug that he had never caught, and the uptick in morning meetings you had.

Then the cogs were brought to a halt, and the whole world froze. The blood running through his body was ice cold, and he felt his fingertips and forehead tingling. Were you really pregnant?

Was he, Kami forbid, going to be a father?

Tsunade swore, knowing she shouldn’t have said anything violating medical confidentiality, but with the pregnancy already being in the second trimester, she had no idea that you hadn’t told Kakashi yet. “Listen, Kakashi… just sit down, okay?” She looked around, swearing again at the reminder that this damn office had no chairs outside of the one she occupied.

She jumped up, crossing over to Kakashi and pushing him forward into the chair behind the desk. “Breathe, Kakashi, come on.” She shook him gently, then lightly slapped his cheek. “Come on, soldier. You’re Kakashi of the Sharingan, master of a thousand jutsu, pull it together.”

He flatly refused.

The door to the Hokage’s office opened, Shizune and Tonton leading you in. You took a moment to take in the scene of your fiancé hyperventilating behind the desk, the Hokage herself swearing and trying to get him to make eye contact and pull air into his lungs. Then he saw you, and he paused, fear in his eyes.

“Is it true—I mean, are you—love, are you pregnant?” He choked out.

Your hand flew to your mouth as if to put the secret back inside. You knew you’d have to tell him eventually, but you had wanted the moment to be right and he had been so busy with his missions lately. He didn’t know it yet, but you had rented a room at a nearby onsen for next weekend, making sure to get a room with a private bath and windows high enough that no onlookers could see inside so that he could comfortably remove his mask. That would’ve been the way you preferred he find out, when rather than dessert, you slid the sonogram across the table after dinner. Instead, you nodded.

“Yes, my love,” you whispered. “I’m pregnant.” Instinctively, your hand rested over the part of your stomach that had begun showing this last week.

He seemed to melt into chair. “Kami… we’re going to be parents?”

You nodded, a small laugh breaking from your chest. “Yes, Kakashi, that’s the plan.”

Slowly, he gathered himself, standing up and delicately walking around the desk to the doorway where you remained. “I… You want this?” He sniffed hard, blinking twice and taking your hands. “You want to raise a child with me? This child?”

You tilted your head to the side, feeling hot tears sting your eyes. You knew he had issues with his self worth, and that would be something you would focus on for the next few months so he’d be ready for your child.

“Of course, ‘Kashi. There’s no one I trust more, no one I think would make a better father. I can’t imagine doing this with anyone else, and I’m thrilled that I get to do it with you.”

His wiry frame jolted as though he’d been shocked, and the threw himself into your arms, allowing his fears and shock to leave him through tears. Tsunade and Shizune averted their eyes, doing what they could to preserve your privacy. Tonton oinked in solidarity. After a couple of moments, he stood again, wiping dry the parts of his face not covered by salty, wet fabric. He then hooked a finger into the mask at the side of his nose, yanked it down, and brought you into a deep kiss, warm hands wrapping around you and pulling you close.

After the surprise, you let yourself dissolve into him, allowing yourself to be swept into his emotional display. He pulled his face back after a few beats and beamed, smiling as widely as you could remember seeing him grin. Then his mouth was back on yours, this time for just a second, then a firm kiss to your forehead before he secured the mask again. Turning to face the Hokage, he wrapped his arm around your back and held you close.

“Tsunade-sama, all due respect, can Pakkun handle this? I’ll send him with anyone you’d like. Naruto, even, I don’t think he’s doing anything tonight. I can send the whole pack. I can brief Gai, or Tenzo, anyone? And if you need a weapons expert, I’m sure Tenten is more than qualified.” You giggled, watching your fiancé ramble to the leader of the village. “It’s just, I’m going to be a father, and she’s pregnant with our child, and I’ve gotta say, I don’t think we’re going on any missions for the next, say, 18 years? Well, maybe some D ranks. We’ll see.”

As Tsunade opened her mouth, he cut her off with a pointed, “How’s the progress on the Konoha Orphanage coming along? They prepared for one more? Cause I’m not letting anything happen to either of us, for this child’s sake.”

Tsunade glared, but was startled out of the shouting match she was gearing up for by Shizune chuckling. Betrayed, she turned to her companion.

“I mean, this is the reaction you anticipated him having, Lady Fifth,” she giggled.

She slammed a fist on the desk, although with an intense amount of restraint given that the surface was not even dented. Finally, she looked up with a glint in her eye.

“I think Hana Inuzuka gets back this evening. I can give her twelve hours to rest and then she and Tenten, along with Gai, can probably handle it. This time.”

Kakashi was already on his way out the door, pulling you behind him in a firmly clasped hand, before she had finished. He called out a thanks over your shoulder as you left. Together, you giggled as you entered the streets of Konoha.

Your fiancé spun in circles, laughing freely and spreading his arms out. “We’re starting a family!” he shouted to the sky. You knew you would both continue to take missions with this child, and that was a conversation for another time. For now, though, you were content to spend eternity watching the love of your life giddily relish in this moment.

[extremelyblackandwhite]

illicit affairs

pairing: sheriff lee bodecker x younger! reader

warnings: smut (18+), cheating, age gap

a/n: i love perfumes which smell of daisies so i made the reader use something like that. i do imagine her going for a very much female appearance and aura despite her personality and i can see lee fancying that sort of fragile femininity look paired with her independency. this song is based of illicit affairs from taylor swift but i was also listening to all too well at some points so i think some of that passed onto the writing. hope you enjoy xx

> DRESS

Leave the perfume on the self that you picked up just for him so you leave no trace behind like you don’t even exist. Take the words for what they are a dwindling, mercurial high, a drug that only worked the first few hundred times ... And you wanna scream don’t call me “kid”, don’t call me “baby”, look at this idiotic fool that you made me. You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else. And you know damn well for you I would ruin myself a million little times ...

The snow settled onto the ground, a view she could see from her white window. Sprawled against her window pane, the blue soft fabric of her dress cascaded down her body as she watched the snow fall and become one with the mass of white covering the once green grass of her home. Her feet dangled in anticipation, hair cascading into hairdresser set curls, held away from her face with a pearl barrette. Her fingers dangled across her collarbones, feeling the cold matching pearls which unlike her barrette clip, had been offered to her by Lee on thanksgiving. “A pretty girl like you deserves her own pearls” his voice echoed in her mind whenever her feeling felt the smooth irregular circle shapes of the pearls laying against her collarbones. There was nothing more than she wanted than to wear those pearls to the police winter ball, to show up wearing something he had bought for her with what money he gathered from his fickle Captain position, but she couldn’t. Everyone knew what she had, what jewellery she had, it was all valued at the insurance centre downtown and the pearl necklace definitely wasn’t. Her own pearls rested inside her ivory jewellery box along with the ribbon she was wearing around her waist when she first kissed him, and the comb that held her hair in place whenever she met him during windy nights. 

Her grandmother had left before her, leaving with the grocery shop owner as her date for the ball but she had stayed behind. She had told her she’d rather go alone, blaming her loneliness on the fact all the boys her age were either engaged thus going with their wives and the single ones not wanting to do with her. Of course that was further from the truth and as she watched the snow fall, she imagined Lee’s cruiser driving through the snow, stopping in front of her home and knocking on her door to take her. But those were nothing but impossible scenarios created from the deepest part of her psyche. Looking over her shoulder, the clock on her bedside table shone 9PM into bold red letters. She should get going before her grandmother got worried. Her eyes lingered across her beauty parlour to the silver platter with her perfume, the one she’d picked just for him after hearing how much he loved the smell of daisies. She had to leave it, she couldn’t put any perfume on, she couldn’t take her pearls, she doesn’t exist. At least, she as Lee’s lover does not exist for all that everyone could know and nothing hurt more than the sound of her pearls returning to her ivory box. It was were they belonged, away from everyone, hidden, a mysterious sin secret. 

With her white fur wrapped around her arms, she entered her glossy yet dull red car, pulling the hood up despite the weather. She wanted to feel the cold, she wanted that numbness to hide what she had been feeling for the last months. It was all so exhilarating when it began; the summer walks, laying in the middle of the forest in an old towel as he feed her ripe strawberries, escaping from her grandmother’s house at night and meeting him up under the apple tree in light dresses. However, at time wind down, she started to crave the rest of a relationship, the holding of hands. Instead what she got was clandestine meetings in parking lots, behind the bars or in the middle of the forest when no one could see them. She constantly told herself it was going to eventually be her turn, he was gonna leave Jane for her. Yet, she seemed to constantly fall on the same error every mistress before her did, the mistake of forgetting her place. Stopping in front of the old town hall where the ball was being held, she could see the soft lights, hear the laughter and it made her sick. She didn’t want to go in, she didn’t want to see those happy couples but she had too. She had to put up a show, be the little pedestal trouble starter woman she was expected to be and so she would. 

Stepping into the hall, her eyes immediately found Lee in the corner speaking with the Sheriff, arm draped over Jane’s shoulder while the other hand held a clear cup probably with his favourite drink. Her heart sunk to the same place it always did as she got lost in the dance floor. She knew everyone in this town hall, from the first boy she ever kissed Jonah and his third wife Elizabeth to Billy whom had been prom king with her. There was nothing new anymore and what once felt new and true was now anchoring her inside a fishbowl of images of her own mistakes and unfulfilled life needs. 

      - Hey, Y/N. - Billy called out for her attention. She held onto the fur wrapped around her for comfort as she prepared her facade of a happy girl at a happy party. - Your grandma told me you ain’t gotta a partner for tonight. Could’ve told me, I would’ve taken you. 

      - It’s ok, ain’t like I need a man. - she replied, almost angrily although he deserved no anger from her. - What’s the stage for? We’re getting a band tonight?

      - No, the new sheriff candidates announcing themselves tonight. Prepare for the blood bath. 

      - Sounds interesting. - she spoke out, her voice getting mumbled out as the mic’s sound hurt her and everyone else’s ear. The police chief stood there in his best attire, holding a small piece of papers, his fat thumbs hitting the mic to gather everyone’s attention. He already had their attention merely by wearing a cowboy’s hat with a formal suit. 

       - Now folks, we all now how much we gonna miss our good old Sheriff but it’s time to elect a new one. - his southern accent was pronounced, too pronounced, cartoonish even. Y/N remembered laughing as a child when she first heard him speak only to immediately shut up when her grandmother looked her way with a look which left room for no questions. She herself had barely developed an accent, her grandmother still very keen on instilling in her the education she herself had gotten. However, the longer she spent with Lee, the more it would sometimes slip; one or two words, nothing major. - Of course, Leroy is running again.

     - I don’t know why he tries. - Y/N whispered to Billy, concealed laughing smile behind her hand. 

     - You gotta admit it’s a good thing to imagine. Damned Leroy and his prostitutes running the town? We’d be forgotten by God.

     - We’re already forgotten by God. We were banished from the garden of Eden, don’t you remember? - she teased, always enjoying to toy around with the religion Knockemstiff was so hang up on. - We’re probably direct descendants. 

     - You ought to keep that mouth shut if you don’t wanna get in trouble. - he warned yet it went through deaf ears. Y/N liked stirring it, specially when it came to things which were so analytically flawed. 

The regular list of candidates continued to go from officers to common folk who all believed they could make the town better. At least that was all they said they wanted to get some votes but at the end of the day, they just wanted to control the town with an iron fist. Do what they wanted without anyone question it. She couldn’t blame it, humans are hardwired to go crazy for power and let it consume them so she just let it pass. She knew all the candidates, they were always the same. Leroy, Matthew, Edwards ... all the common ones, she even wondered why they kept announcing it. Those three competing for the sheriff position was as certain as the sun coming up each morning. 

      - The last candidate is our cap’tain Bodecker. - her head snapped to the stage as every sound seemed to dim until she was surrounded by pure silence. All she could hear was the buzz from her ears as she watched him climb up the stairs to the stage, shaking the chief’s hands. 

Everything seemed to be stuck in slow motion yet her mind was running faster than a shot bullet. The clapping was slow, everything was silent yet she could see their hands slowly clap and their lips moving in whispers. Her eyes roamed the crowd finding Jane right in front of the stage, looking up at him with adoration at the possible place she could possible hold; the sheriff’s wife. The slow motion ended with a loud crash and suddenly everything seemed just too fast. She ignored Billy’s pleas for her attention and moved straight to the small plastic tables covered in burgundy towels to make it look fancier where all the drinks and food were being held. One of her only friends from high school Mary was the one in charge, happily serving food and drinks to anyone who asked.

     - Hi Y/N. - she always looked like the perfect housewife and that was always what she wanted to be. Beautiful, bountiful blonde hair with a few flowers matching her pink dress. Despite it all, she was always nice to her even with their different life goals. 

     - Hey Mary. How’s Paul? I heard from rumours you two had quite a nice honeymoon. St.Louis, right? 

     - Yes. He booked us a nice honeymoon suite, it had flowers and those heart shaped beds and chocolates. It was real nice, I’m hoping to be pregnant soon. What about you? Your grandmother said you came alone. You could’ve told me, my brother would’ve taken you.

    - That’s alright, Mary. I don’t intend to stay for long ... Uhm, can I have a drink?

    - Of course. Sidecar, as per usual? 

    - I think I’ll just have a double cognac, please. Or maybe some gin ... whatever can make me dizzy the fastest.

    - Everything, okay?

    - Just need to forget some stuff, it’ll be okay. - she forced a smile. At least half that phrase was true. Mary served her up with her best gin and she returned to the dance floor, trying to blend with the rest of the attendees, however her baby blue dress was much too different from anything else in town. 

Y/N thought she’d be best outside where no one could see her and so she left, avoiding Billy who kept asking for her. She leaned against the old wood of the town hall, mascara running down her cheeks, and gin glass on the other one. She looked like the perfect warning tale of why you should not mess her married men. She knew better, she knew so much better but she still did it, like the idiotic little fool she seemed to be. Y/N sighed, the air condensing in the air as she drank from the glass.

     - Pull yourself together, Y/N. - she looked to see side, her grandmother standing outside with the look she used to give her when Y/N embarrassed her as a little girl. - What did you expect?

     - I’m just not having a good day, nana.

     - You’re hanging around with Captain Bodecker that’s what you’re doing.

     - What?

     - Don’t play innocent with me, Y/N. You’re just like your mother and I’ve raised your mother so I’d know. I saw you leave in his car last week. Do you want to defend yourself?

     - Is it even worth it? - she took a sip out of her drink. - What do you want me to say? 

     - I want you to pull yourself together and go inside. You better have this finished off before those elections start. I will not have my granddaughter be a home wrecker.

Y/N ignored it. There was nothing her grandmother could say that hurt more than what she was already feeling. She watched the snow fall from the cover of the banner covering the town hall, cold and icy yet somehow warmer than her. The drink didn’t last forever and although it was much stronger than what she was used to, she didn’t feel the slightest bit dizzy. It was if the universe was punishing her for her choices. She shook her head, leaving the glass onto one of the windows. She’d be better off at home and she’d already made her appearance. If someone asked where she was, she could’ve blamed it on their drunkness. Opening her little clutch, she started fishing for her keys through a sea of change, makeup and receipts. 

    - You better not be thinking of driving after you just drank. - she turned her head to see Lee with his hands on his waist, playfully smiling at her. His smile faded as he noticed the streaks of mascara from her eyes to her jaw. - Did that shithead Billy say something? 

     - No ... Lee, I wanna go home okay. - she sighed. - Can you just pretend you didn’t see me drink?

     - I was hoping we could spend the night together. Rent a hotel room outside town. A real nice place, with a pool and some room service. My treat of course.

     - I ... We can’t, Lee. Your wife is inside as she’s gonna notice you’re not there and you’re not home. 

     - She’s going home early. Jane’s been taking a few sleeping pills. She’s down for the night, won’t even notice. - he took a few steps closer to her, knowing everyone was too drunk to even remember. - I was waiting for you to come greet me, congratulate me. I can’t believe my girl wanted to leave before showing me how pretty she looked. 

     - You didn’t tell me you were running for Sheriff. - he cupped her face, thumb caressing her cheek. - You said it was a silly position.

     - Yeah but ... it’s a Sheriff. I could become Mayor, ya know. The old sheriff thinks I’d be good for it. - he scratched the back of his neck, something he always did whenever he was nervous or was confronted by something he did not expect. Y/N had learned to read him and knew him better than her own favourite books. - C’mon, kid. It’s a night worth celebrating, don’t you think?

     - Don’t call me kid. - she shot her head his way, his word hitting a particular hurt spot which she didn’t realise she had. 

     - Hey, I’m not trying to mock ya. - he rose his hands. - What’s wrong, huh baby? Hm? Tell me sugar, I hate it when you’re upset. Besides, if it was that Billy kid I’ve been wanting to give him a good beating.

    - Don’t call me baby, either. - she sighed, throwing her purse inside the car, before turning to him. - Billy didn’t do anything I’m just ... tired.

    - I’ll drive you home, then.

    - I don’t wanna go home either. - she pushed her hair from her forehead, looking at the ground. The snow engulfed her feet and her shoes, yet it might as well have engulfed her entire being. Lee noticed her lip trembling and how her free hand was trying to stop tears from falling down. He looked behind him, the town hall door shut, before taking his jacket off, draping it over her shoulders, and opening the car door for her. 

 Y/N daren’t look him in the eye, instead sitting in the passenger seat as he pushed the hood of her car up. After all, most people did not enjoy driving in the snow with the hood up. She didn’t know where he was taking her and for all it mattered she didn’t want to know. If he was driving her to her killing location, it sounded much better than having to work out through the bubbling feelings in her tummy. Y/N didn’t even noticed how much she was crying until the tears started streaming so fast they were falling onto the palms of her hands like diamond daggers. She leaned her head against his shoulder, watching the road ahead through the blurry orbs of her own eyes, trying to find some warmth through him. The drive seemed endless and her mind rushed in an even more endless way as she considered all her choices til now. She found it unbearable how not guilty she didn’t feel about it. She could still remember the feeling of the cold water against her body and his lips against hers, being tangled in his bed sheets while he drank a beer, his grunts as he thrusted into her inside his patrol car. She remembered every detail either it being lust or romantic but most importantly she remembered how he looked at her. It was almost as through rose coloured glasses, most of the times agreeing with her pessimist view of the town she was in. Lee looked down on her, watching her perfect hair break through the gelled curls she had set down. He never liked the polished look anyway, he loved to see her walk in her white dresses and freshly washed hair flowing with the wind. This woman sat next to him was gorgeous but he preferred his Y/N, he preferred the woman who would poke fun of casualty and rush into the woods with her nightgown. This woman next to him was pretty yes but she seemed tainted by a sadness he could see yet couldn’t help. He didn’t want his Y/N to be the slightest bit sad. She did not deserve it. She was too pure, too young to be consumed by the loneliness, darkness and sadness that came with being an adult. Yet again, he had to start learning the young woman she was wouldn’t stay young forever. He wanted to know how to help. he wanted to be the man who wakes up next to her on summer mornings and winter evenings but life is not how we plan it out to be.

She watched the snow fall from her window as “You are my sunshine” played on the background from her radio. Looking up to him, his eyes were glued to the road, the sign of leaving Knockemstiff way past them and the hotel on the horizon. She called it the Heartbreak hotel, with its red walls and luxurious nature. A more fancy place for those who wanted to give a better night to their mistresses but that was not why she called it the heartbreak hotel. It was due to the fact she ended up crying every time she or he left. While inside those walls, she could pretend they were Mr. and Mrs. Bodecker, young couple moved out of Knockemstiff on a romantic getaway yet she wasn’t Mrs. Bodecker, Jane was. She had seen who the future sheriff’s wife was and it was not and it would never be her. He stopped the car in the parking lot, looking at her who was lost in thought, leaned against his shoulder.

   - Come on, sugar. What is it? - Lee kissed the top of her head. - The heck happened in that Town Hall?

    - Just being silly, Lee. - she shook her head, faking a smile. - Just don’t like parties one bit.

    - I hate ‘em too, sugar. All show no action. Besides no party is a party without my baby. - he hooked his ring finger under her chin, softly pulling it up. She tried not to look at the moonlight illuminating the silver band around his finger, a symbol he belonged to someone else and she knew it. She had seen the wedding photo on his secretary, a much younger Lee with a much younger Jane with the facade of a happy marriage. Thinking about it always made her sick and ever since seeing that picture she couldn’t bring herself to do so. - Come on, let’s get you a bubble bath, yeah?

She followed him into the hotel almost in a zombie like state until the reception. The talk was a dance she had danced before, it was all the same. Lee would present money in cash so it wouldn’t show up on his credit card statement. He would sign in with a fake address but with his own name and no one would question it. After all, the staff wanted money, they didn’t care if it was an illicit affair or not. To be honest, she didn’t care much anymore.

     - Mrs. Bodecker? Mrs. Bodecker? - the receptionist called out to her but it didn’t even register until she was looking her into the eyes. Mrs. Bodecker, she was definitely not. - Would you like a complementary tea? You look cold.

     - No, it’s okay. - she smiled while Lee grabbed the keys. His hand wrapped itself around hers, leading her over to the elevator.

God, she wanted him. She really did, he thought to himself. It was an unbelievable feeling to have someone who loved him back, someone who always had encouraging words to tell him, someone who would stay after a fight. He thought and imagine what it would’ve been like if she was born earlier, god he would’ve courted her and would’ve married her the second they were out of high school. Sadly, the woman he loved was born 10 years after and he met her when he was married. He led her to the 13th hotel room and closed the door behind them.

     - Things are gonna be different when I’m sheriff. No more sneaking around, no one will dare  say a word. I can move to Brewer Heights, heck, I can buy two houses, one just for you and me.

    - Lee ...

    - Where are your pearls, sugar? You know I love to see you with them, makes you look so pretty.

    - You know I can’t wear them in public, Lee. I am not your ... - she shouldn’t say that, she should not let those words out. - They’re not insured under my name, people would comment about it.

     - You worry too much. - he pushed the fur that covered her arms down, placing a small kiss on her elbow. - My little over-thinker.

     - One of us has too, Captain Bodecker.

     - How about some champagne? - he pointed towards the champagne bottle in the ice bucket by the dresser before walking towards it, raising it so he could inspect the brand. He longed for the finest things in life, no longer wanting to be that middle to low class man he’d been forced to be. Being Sheriff, Mayor someday was going to be really something, it’d be his chance.

    - I’m not 21 yet, Captain.

    - Only a month til you are, kid. - he filled two long crystal flutes, handing it over to them. - By then I should stop calling you kid, huh?

    - You shouldn’t call me kid, now. - she took a sip of the golden liquid, hoping it would take away her jealousy. Lee hummed, leaned over to kiss the crock of her neck, climbing up to her jaw in a move that was sure to leave marks. It was okay for him to leave marks on her, she was unmarried, young but on him? Sometimes she wanted to, sometimes she wanted to mark his pale plump skin as a possession, one that screamed Jane might have the wedding ring but she had the man. Yet, she couldn’t. - You look so handsome tonight.

    - You’re my worse critic. - he smirked, placing his glass on the bedside table before pulling her chin towards him, placing a soft kiss on her plump, painted lips. - God, you can’t even imagine how fucking hard I got when you walked in.

    - Such gentle behaviour. - she teased, fingers lightly tracing the skin of his face. He moaned, leaning in to kiss her again. - I wore it just for you. Blue. I knw you like it.

    - You’re always such a good girl for me. - he started to remove his jacket, pushing on her chest lightly so she laid against the luxurious bed.

The alcohol sure did a better job than her about making her forget what she was doing it. The alcohol and his kiss, his touch on her skin made her forget the clench in her heart when she saw Jane Bodecker clap once they said his name. It made her forget she couldn’t hear perfume around him unless he showered, it made her forget. Both of her moaned through the kiss, seemingly unconcerned with the fact that it was a sin. Maybe that’s why it taste so sweet, the sin, the thrill. None of them cared really and all he wanted to do now was hold her, touch her, look at her.

    - You are so beautiful. - he spoke, more to himself than to her specifically, leaning down on the bed as he spread her legs, taking his place in between them which was so familiar to him. Lee ran his knuckles through the middle of her folds, cold hands making her shiver. - Ev’ry darn day I wake up and I think, I got myself the most beautiful woman in the world.

Her eyes were glued to the ceiling, the white paint of it engulfing her as his hands caressed her thighs. All she could feel were his cold hands massaging the skin of her thighs, spreading them apart and giving him full access to her. His lips attacked her core, always chapped which made her feel so good, it made her know it was him giving her that pleasure. She moaned out loud as he dwelled in like a starved man, her head relaxing against the pillow. There was never any mercy with him, he teased her like he owned her, focusing on her clit while licking her folds. He had her exactly where he wanted her - starving for him.

   - You’re gonna see. - he mumbled out while he relentlessly ate her out. - When I’m sheriff there will be no more hidin’. No one gonna dare say anythin’ about it.

   - Lee, please ... no foreplay. - she whined, begged even as he stopped his motions. His eyes curiously searched for hers, hands pulling his body up as he stood on top of her. - I just want to feel you.

   - Weren’t you feelin’ me, sugar?

   - You know what I mean, Lee. - she wrapped her hands around his neck, head cocked to the side. - I don’t want any foreplay today.

    - Oh sugar ... - he chuckled leaning down to kiss her collarbone. - You’re just a cock slut for me, aren’t ya? Can’t just wait for me to treat ya right ain’t it, baby?

     - Lee, please. - she whined, hands wavering over his police issued chunky belt. Lee smirked, holding her hand before she could do anything. Y/N pouted, head leaning against her shoulder. - C’mon.

   - But baby, you look so pretty when you’re begging. - he returned to kiss her neck, leaving marks which were sure to become hickeys tomorrow but she didn’t care. No one was going to see it. - I was expecting you to come congratulate me in the way you always do, maybe in the back of the town hall. Hoping someone would catch us so they’d see you’re my girl.

    -  Lee ... -  she whined as he kept kissing her neck and collarbones. - Please.

    - Tell me what you want, baby. You know I do everything you want. - he rose from her neck, toothy grin as he leaned down to kiss her plump, pink painted lips. - Tell me you want my big fat cock. I know you do, baby. Tell me how much you need it. 

  - Lee ... please, need you.

  - You have me, baby, tell me what you need. Tell me what you want. - his knuckles ran through the middle of her folds again. - You’re so wet, baby. Just tell me what you want, c’mon

  -  Lee ... please. - she looked at him with those wide eyes that could get someone to commit murder for her, as he pushed down his trousers. - I want you to fuck me with your ... big fat cock, Capitain. 

  - Oh, baby ... - he leaned his forehead against hers as he pushed his cock past her entrance, eyes shut tight  as he tried to keep himself sane at the mere feeling of her walls contracting against him. His lips found hers as he shed himself fully into her. Her hand searched for his, as Lee slowly rolled his hips against hers, basking in the mere high that was being inside of her. - You okay, baby? 

  - Yeah. ... fuck, move. - she whined as he removed himself from her and pushed back in, slowly starting to rock into her as he always did. The little tease. Her hand clenched his as he speed up his thrusts, lips returning to hers in a messy, moaned filled kiss. All she could hear was the sound of skin against skin and interrupted breathing. - Lee, fuck.

  - I know, baby. - he laughed, returning to kiss her the way he liked as her walls started to clench more forcefully against his member, milking him for all he was worth. His free hand grabbed her hip as he further sped up against her, bruising her skin as his breaths got more raggedy. He bite onto her neck as he felt his control over his own orgasm disappear. 

  - Lee, fuck! - she moaned, almost raising off the bed as her own orgasm washed over her. Her head fell against the pillow, sluggish as he continued to thrust into her until ropes and ropes of cum painted her walls. He chuckled mid grunt, holding her against him as he turned around in bed. 

  - You all fucked up, aren’t ya, sugar? - he kissed the top of her head. - You’re gonna see, sugar. Things are gonna be so much better.

  - Right ... - she cuddled against his chest. - Hm ... Lee can you drive me back home early on?

  - Early shift?

  - Yeah.

  - Okay, sugar.

The morning was a harsh breaker of dreamy hazes and just like that she was back to the place where she always was, in her home, surrounded by the scent of the perfume she had bought just for him. She sat on her dress, taking the necklace he had given her from the little mother of pearl seashell shaped box and holding them against her chest. She loved him, she really did. Some people had their downfalls and hers was painted onto her neck and held by her hands. He was her downfall. 

The sun was high up on the snowy midday in Knockemstiff and once again Lee had been resigned to desk duty after the Sheriff not taking it too lightly he decided to run without his permission. Normally he would’ve been upset but he knew, he knew he was close to winning and then he could throw away those stupid hotels and just get her a little house close to him. God, he couldn’t fucking wait.

    - Captain Bodecker, someone here for you. - his secretary knocked on his door. - Mary Gillies, sir. 

    - Mary Gillies? - he knew her to be a friend of Y/N’s, perhaps her only friend other than that punk Billy. - Send her in.

    - Good afternoon, captain. - she said as she walked into his office. - I’m so sorry to be bothering but Y/N ...

    - Is she alright? - he interrupted her.

    - Yes, well ...  - she rummaged through her bag to find a cushioned envelope with his name on it. - She told me to give you this.

   - What is it?

   - I don’t know, captain. I must get going, my husband is waiting for me.

   - Of course. Thank you, Mrs. Gillies.

He waited for the woman to be out of his office and for the door to be shut for him to open the envelope. The minute he opened the envelope, pearls fell into his desk, the same pearls he had given Y/N followed by a small note in the dusty pink stationary that normally laid on her dresser. Turning it around, he saw the words he’d been dreading to read or hear ever since he met her. I’m sorry, Lee. He threw the letter on his desk before getting up from his desk as fast as he could, ignoring the calls from his colleagues as he got into his cruiser. Damned, Brewer Heights, why couldn’t it be closer?

He approached her home fast and closed the door as fastly as he ran up to the door. Her hag of a grandmother was possibly at church and he had learned where they kept the spare key; behind a violet pot. His heart was beating as fast as a deer on a hunt as he climbed up the stairs and found the once filled room was empty, with only a perfume bottle on her empty dresser. He observed the whole room as if he were in a nightmare, sitting on her bed as he clenched the pearls he had given her not so long ago, the smell of daisies in the air as some song played on the still turned on radio.

You never know dear how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away ...

taglist: @lookiamtrying​ 

[fktonofwhatnow]

ok hold on. acomaf is my fave book out of the whole series (it's mostly out of emotional value, i read it when i was younger and didn't have a real understanding out trauma and abuse only that i saw a character i loved getting out of a bad situation and getting happy) so obviously i didn't mind feysand being endgame and the development all of the characters had. i can accept tamlin turned out like that is realistic due to his trauma, i can accept feyre had to flee because it wasn't right for her, but the thing is after acofs i see no point to feyre leaving tamlin when rhysand ends up doing everything they told us tamlin was evil and unredeemable for. hiding the risks of her pregnancy, putting on shields on her, having feyre need to compromise over it. i honestly felt so betrayed by that. i'm not saying feyre and tamlin were good for each other, but it doesn't feel worth it to dismiss the potential they had for what we got with feysand.

also, sarah learn to treat "ugly" trauma with respect challenge. no they don't need to learn to physically fight to fight it. no they don't need a love interest to overcome it. yes the behaviors acquired from trauma and abuse aren't pretty but that doesn't mean a person is undeserving of kindness and compassion.

i think i had a point somewhere but i can't get to it. so hope you don't mind my rambling. anyway i loved your meta about tamlin i think he deserves better too

HOLY SHIT THIS ONE IS SO GOOD OK IM SO EXCITED

Bro you are so fine, I'm the one who doesn't make any sense and I totally get what you're trying to say. (Acomaf was actually my favorite book in the series too ngl)

BUT FUCK YEAH LETS TALK ABOUT RHYSAND.

I don't think it's a secret that Rhysand is one of my least favorite characters in media, probably ever? (How do I even put this into words) He is a bad character and to me, laughably so. You know how if you've ever written a character, there's that little phase that's like "what if people don't like this character' and then you're sad for a little bit? That's how Rhysand feels to me. He feels like SJM looked at this character and thought "I can't stand the thought of people not liking this character because I love him so much" and then did everything in her power to make sure we know how great he is.

Idk if this is just me screaming into the void, but I get to this place with my characters where like, especially if they are a little more morally gray or their decisions have negative impacts, I understand that I don't need the audience to like my main character. they can stand on their own, they can own up to what they do and they can grow from it. Thats what a good character does. That's how you keep your audience rooting for them. You gotta knock them over sometimes.

SJm doesn't knock Rhysand over. She doesn't push him to make mistakes, apologize, own up and move on. Rhysand has never made a decision that ended poorly for him. Everything goes the way he wants it to, because SJm wants us to know how cool and great he is. People who are cool and great don't make bad decisions! SJm doesn't let Rhysand fail, and she doesn't let him suffer his own decisions. Everyone else suffers his decisions, not him.

Rhysand's reputation as a good person hinges entirely on the audience liking him and/or thinking he's hot. And then what happens when the audience thinks neither of those things? Ya get a rly long post like this by a lil enby who is mad all the time. Rhysand loses all credibility when you look at him through a critical lens. Not a single thing the man does makes any goddamn sense. Here I thought acosf would give us a different perspective on Feysand and I was desperately hoping that Nesta would tell us what she really sees in them and how people around them really feel, I hoped that SjM would throw us for a loop and tell us that hey, she does know that Feysand are fucking toxic as hell and ruin the lives of people around them and she wants to show us that from an outside perspective but noooOoOOOoOoOOOO...

Instead we get Nesta hating herself because Rhysand told her that she shouldn't tell Feyre that Feyre could uh die in childbirth. Hey what the fuck.

Now I don't actually ship feylin, I kinda always sorta knew, even without spoilers, that it wasn't going to work out. Tamlin isn't sjm's idea of a good partner because he's not charming and witty and dark and handsome ya know? We met Rhysand and I knew that I was going to fucking hate this romance. Which sucks because I found Rhysand so intriguing in the first book. Ngl all the time spent in the spring court was kinda boring and every time Rhysand showed up to throw dead faeries at Tamlin I was like "oooooo" and I wanted to know more about why Tamlin, this awkward, blunt and kinda shy dude had beef with this super duper sly and shady man from another court.

I don't know if I've ever said this before, but SJm doesn't let her love interests grow. Rhysand doesn't change over the course of the story because he was already a good guy and his motives were for Feyre's sake I swear, the same goes for Rowan in TOG. SJm doesn't give Rhysand room to change. She needs to get to the part where they fuck make sure everyone knows that Rhysand is a good guy and actually he was good all along so that we like him more than Tamlin. It backtracks on everything bad Rhysand has ever done because you know... He had a good reason! It's fine!

I know it's probably just because SJm doesn't actually know how to write a good character growth arc but... Like can you imagine if Rhysand stayed the bad guy? Or at least remained the bad guy through acotar and acomaf? And then when Rhysand comes to take Feyre for his bargain it really was only to spite Tamlin? What about Rhysand, taking Feyre to the night court with him once a week every month for a long time, if only to see Tamlin's eyes grow darker and emptier every time he goes, and then he really starts to fall in love with Feyre. He's been a monster all this time, angry and cold and cruel and then he actually starts to fall in love. And then to get Feyre to stay he really does try to change, he stops antagonizing Feyre, he stops throwing dead faeries at Tamlin, and he stops harassing the Spring court. He starts spending genuine quality time with Feyre, he starts to learn about her and all the things she likes and he stops trying to get her to come with him just so Tamlin will be mad. He starts asking her to come with him because he wants to be around her and he prays that someday she'll want to be around him too. What if SJm let him grow.

But nahhhhhh instead we have a character who always knows the right answer to things, and he always knows how to fix every issue, and he is always so innovative and outside the box except that he isn't. We get a character who does the same shit as Tamlin but it's ok because he had a good reason not to tell Feyre that she could very well die in childbirth. Uhhhh don't know what that is but uhhh I know he has his reasons because all he has are his reasons.

It would be so easy to hold a mirror up to Rhysand and say "look at this. Look who you are. Do you not look just like Tamlin right now?"

But nooooooooOoOOOo Rhysand doesn't get to be wrong. Rhysand doesn't get to look like Tamlin because Tamlin is evil and Rhysand is definitely NOT I SWEAR.

But yeah I think the point I'm trying to make is that Sarah thinks so highly of Rhysand that he could never do wrong. He could never be like Tamlin, despite the narrative literally telling us the exact opposite.

Like you said, we lost the potential of what feylin could have been if SJm didn't suddenly decide that her audience needs to love Rhysand as much as she does. I think feylin could have been slow and sweet and a story of true healing and learning about one another. I think it would have been kind and steady and lots of "are you ok"s and "I'm sorry"s and "talk to me"s. Everything about Feysand feels rushed and hard and fast and the rest of the world doesn't have time to catch up. It's fucking exhausting to read it ya know what I'm saying.

(also can we talk about Rhysand like dying and Feyre finding the suriel and learning he's her mate and then instead of being like "k let's put a pin in that and fuckin save his life first" she like throws him around and everyone is like "wtf woman" and she's like I neeD tO Be alOnE these people have no idea how to prioritize)

Truly, I think it's innocent to a degree. There is absolutely no harm in wanting people to like your character. The harm comes when you destroy another character with no reason or explanation other than you want people to like a different character. Villain arc? Completely out of left field. You gotta build to that shit or like... Make it so that when you look back you slap your forehead and yell at a wall "OF FUCKING COURSE I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT"

anyways, SJm treat "ugly" trauma with respect challenge SECONDED.

WELL IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME WEEKS YO WRITE IM HAVING A HARD TIME I know it probably doesn't make any sense I can't find my braincells BUT thanks for the ask @xelly

Tell me all your acotar things I love yo hear them !!

[masterthespianduchovny]

Some people gon be mad at me, but I gotta say it...

Some Scully fans don't understand Scully or her relationship/feelings with/for Mulder.

Scully's relationship with Mulder is this utterly pure thing that is grounded by how much she genuinely cares, respects, and supports him as a person. When you understand Scully's perception of Mulder in this view, seeing her as some long suffering woman doesn't make any sense.

Most of the time Scully sacrifices or choosing Mulder isn't based on romantic feelings, it's based in moral and ethical values and what she holds important. The show sets this up early.

In Squeeze, Tom asks "who's side are you on" and Scully says, "the victim."

This coincides with the side Mulder is on.

Tom was obstructing the case due to his on bias and hatred of Mulder. Despite Mulder's pettiness, Scully understands that Mulder will always prioritize the victim. She chose justice (Mulder) over pettiness (Tom).

When Scully declines a second date with the single father, she's choosing knowledge and curiosity over romance and her personal life.

Interestingly enough, Mulder never asked her to choose him. He's always asked her to be honest about the truth, but he never put her in that situation to prioritize him over her own professional goals or personal life. In fact, he would've understood if she did and said as much.

So when I say some Scully fans don't understand Scully, I'm not being insulting or intentionally rude, I'm saying they're overlooking small character moments that inform her characterization throughout the series.

Scully was not only a workaholic, she LOVED her work. And there wasn't just an obligation to Mulder, it was to the victims as well. I often think about how in this universe, if Mulder and Scully hadn't investigated these cases, either no one would've or it would've never been solved. It must've been something Scully also thought about as well.

Scully mentioned a few times that she joined the FBI to make a difference. Not for prestige or make a name for herself, but to make a difference. She didn't throw away her career for Mulder, she was exactly where she wanted to be. Those other cases handled by mainstream agents were always going to be investigated and solved (if possible), but x file cases?

There's a reason Mulder was called from bumfuck, Kansas or backwoods, West Virginia. There was no one else. Her and Mulder were the only two who took these things seriously.

But also, Scully genuinely genuinely cared for Mulder. Not because she wanted to fuck him, thought he was hot, or really wanted to date him. She enjoyed him as a person. Like truly. After working with him, understanding this beliefs, and meeting many victims, the x files became her passion project too. She attached herself to Mulder because there was no one alive she respected more than him. Someone who stood by their convictions regardless of what others thought to the betterment of people besides him.

He had his flaws, but the great parts of Mulder truly outshined the worst parts of him.

People often overlook how much the x files and her experience changed Scully. The deadpan, straight to the point Scully we know and love came to fruition in season 5. Believe me, I checked. Remember, Scully used to be goofy, open, and free. Then she was abducted, given cancer, kidnapped, sister killed over mistaken identity, etc. That changes a person.

But none of this is Mulder's fault. Mulder changed her in the best way possible. He opened her mind up and challenged her--it was intellectual. Those other things I mentioned made Scully pull within herself and close off. It made her guarded. So suffered so much emotional and mental and literal physical trauma.

As a result, her social interactions changed.

As a reminder, she became a workaholic because of her passion for the x files and she enjoyed it. Then to add on to that, her work was wild as hell, hard to explain, and some of it classified. Scully lived such a unique experience that regularly interacting with others would've been frustrating, exhausting, and her having a sense of feeling misunderstood. And dating would've been a minefield.

Thing is: Scully didn't mind this change to her life. This isn't to say that Scully didn't want or have any friends, it's to say that she didn't strive to have a booming social life nor did she care. Again, she VOLUNTARILY became a workaholic and threw away a normal life for paranormal shit. Someone who does that isn't trying to meet friends for happy hour on Friday or planning to have serious relationships any time soon.

Not only that, some people live lives like this right now and have incredibly fulfilling lives. Some people just work and have one or two friends and they're living their best lives. The idea that just because Scully doesn't have an active dating life and a circle of friends she regularly talks to means that her life is dour is so flawed.

Scully's eventual dissatisfaction with her life was rooted in her believing she should want things that she didn't want. Scully could've walked away. She could've said enough, instead she kept finding reasons to stay because she wanted to be on the x files. And it's quite clear that you can't work on the x files and have a normal life. She didn't want both, she wanted the life that she chose.

At that time, Scully was unable to articulate just how much she wanted to be with Mulder, which is why she positions, "Don't you want to get out of the car?"

She wanted moments of normalcy with him.

And it isn't just because Mulder gets that life because he lives it, its because Scully is actually in love with Mulder for who he is. She's seen Mulder at his best and at his worst and loves every part of him.

Whatever feelings Scully had for Mulder in the past that she pushed away, she couldn't do it anymore. She loved Mulder in a way she couldn't put into words. It was the truest feeling she ever felt, the most sincere thing and she hadn't realized it yet. Then, when she does, it takes them time to get there because Mulder is literally the most important person in her life.

Which seeds were planted back in season 2. In "Little Green Men" (I think), the thought of not working with Mulder saddened Scully because it meant she wouldn't get to see and talk to him. Mulder made a huge impression on her and became important to her very quickly.

So imagine 5-7 years down the road...embracing this feeling and the thought of losing Mulder if things went south would've been devastating for Scully. She wouldn't lose just a partner, she'd lose a best friend too.

Because she genuinely cared for him and he's her literal best friend.

The love Scully feels for Mulder surpasses known definitions of romantic love because her feelings aren't centered in that. She loves him on levels that most people can't imagine. Scully cares for Mulder so much and she shows that by listening to him and protecting him even if Mulder doesn't think he needs protection. She validates him and doesn't trivialize his beliefs even when she doesn't agree with them. It doesn't matter who the person is, Scully will always go to bat for Mulder because he only ever had himself and he needs to someone to say "hey, you're not alone and you're taken seriously."

I bring this up to say, the idea that Mulder doesn't deserve Scully when Scully clearly wants him is flawed. The idea that Mulder should be lucky that Scully "puts up" with him is flawed. The idea that Scully would ever tell Mulder as such or anything resembling (and stressing how she could've been happy with this perfect other man) is flawed. Those first two things are categorically wrong and the last is something Scully would never do because she loves Mulder and that is harmful. Scully would never tell Mulder something that would harm him or that she believed could.

All Things is so pivotal because Scully stops concerning herself with what she believe she should want and embracing what she actually wants: investigating x files and living an unconventional life with Mulder.

Scully wants that.

Not dating around, girls night, or frequent intimate get togethers with her family. She wants to investigate haunted houses on Christmas Eve and discover invisible bodies and help victims find justice.

After her and Mulder get together, she's committed to him. She waited so long to be with him that even while he was in hiding, she never considered dating anyone else. Emotionally and spiritually, she'd been married to him. Now that they'd been together, she didn't want anyone else but him.

Like there's so many layers to this, which hasn't even taken the "like a switch" speech. Or her reaction to Diana, which had multiple levels--romantic, platonic, and professional.

Lastly, the idea that Scully was waiting around for Mulder (to ask her out) is such a basic take. Scully wasn't waiting on Mulder, she prioritized their working relationship over romance AND she knew Mulder had his own stuff going on with himself. Even if she had wanted to date then, she didn't fault Mulder for not asking her out. All the shit he'd been through and was going through, Scully was more concerned about his emotional well-being opposed to upset that he hadn't pursued her.

Although I do get the criticism and the desire for Scully to date, have on screen friends, and shit, it just doesn't track with what we've seen and know of Scully.

Like, this woman almost went on the run with Mulder after knowing him for 2-3 years. They only reason they didn't was because she wanted to see her sister who'd been shot. The reason she almost went on the run was due to moral and ethical reasons and not romance, however, my point is that Scully's convictions and priorities is why her life was the way it was and that's the way she wanted it to be. She then went on the run with him when she didn't have to, but we know she would because 1. his sentence was an injustice (we know how Scully feels about justice) 2. she was madly in love with him and refused to continue living her life without him.

Once again, Scully is discarding any notion of normalcy because she didn't want it and hadn't wanted it since getting assigned to the x files.

And that's on that.

(And it's why I object to the characterization of their relationship in IWTB and seasons 10 and 11. Although it's fine and makes sense for their relationship to have issues at times, the writers handled it so cavalierly and without thought. You cannot have the backbone of the show in a romantic falling out and not address it--not really. They don't try to genuinely deal with such a situation because it's melodrama, but my question is: why introduce it in the first place. If it isn't worth being addressed, it's not worth being introduced. Mulder and Scully had a chat or two, but it was so superficial and lacked teeth. It's not that I wanted the show to focus on them romantically, I just want the show to not bullshit or half ass shit they're introducing and bringing up is all.)

[fallout4reactsblog]

A Very Commonwealth Christmas: Year Two

“Are we seriously doin’ this again?” Gage griped from his place beside the window. “It sucked last year.”

Ada shook her head. “Actually, by my calculations, the endeavor was a great success. Sole’s enthusiasm and overall happiness was far above predicted values. As such, it is only logical to repeat the exercise.”

Cait (who still refused to even look in Gage’s direction) huffed. “So long as we do somethin’ fun this year.”

Preston smiled gently, showing his infinite patience once again. “Of course. I wouldn’t ask you to do the same thing twice, so we’re switching things up a little. Is everyone familiar with the concept of Secret Santa?”

A mixed bag of responses came back.

“Well, it’s simple. I’ve written down everyone’s name on a piece of paper and put them in this hat.” He tipped the hat to show them the neatly folded squares of paper. “Each of us will draw a name, and you’ll get a gift for whoever you draw. Sole was worried that we didn’t exchange gifts ourselves last year, so this year we’re going to make that happen.”

“And what if we don’t like whoever we get?” X6 asked, not looking directly at Deacon, but the subtext was clear.

“You’ll just have to pretend. Remember, for the next few weeks, we’re all good friends as far as sole is concerned. We all get along.”

To Preston’s credit, he did manage to not glare at Gage, X6, or any of the others that were deemed “troublemakers,” but they got the message. He’d made plenty of threats last year if people didn’t get along, threats that were not empty and, undoubtedly, very much still on the table.

“But what about sole?” Piper asked. “Is their name in there?”

Preston shook his head. “They’re not playing. According to them, the effort of us playing is enough.”

Ada took the hat from Preston’ hands. “We will go in alphabetical order to draw names. Cait, you will draw first.”

Cait was at least kind enough to wipe her hands off, freeing them of the looser flakes of dried blood, before snatching out a name. It seemed that the reading lessons between her and Piper had been going well, because she didn’t ask what it said. That, or she was too proud to admit it.

Slowly, they passed the hat around. Some people were better at concealing their reactions than others; Deacon might as well have been wearing a mask for the emotion he showed, but Curie didn’t even try to hide her distaste for whoever she’d drawn.

“Alright, people.” Preston clapped his hands. “Because of the game, I’ve called in some extra help from the settlers to get the other preparations done. You should have plenty of time to get your presents. You’ve got a week.”

Ada

It was a pleasant surprise to have drawn MacCready, in her opinion. Though he wasn’t someone she’d spent much time around, he was a fairly easy man to understand. Plus, it was unlikely he’d be expecting much from her. After all, he would put more effort into his own family celebration than this one, and wouldn’t expect her to do anything but the same.

Still, a part of her wasn’t content with just getting something easy and moving on. That wasn’t the spirit of the game, now was it? But she couldn’t well talk to MacCready directly, so she hunted down the closest person to him.

“What would I want?” sole asked, wiping their hands off on a dirty rag. “Ada, you know that I’m not playing.”

“Of course. But you know all of us the best, do you not? And you have quite a lot in common with my partner.”

“Well, alright.” They leaned back against the workbench to think. “I mean, anything at all is enough to make me happy. A new coffee mug would be nice, though. I’ve been looking for one that’s shatterproof so I can just toss it in my bag on the road and not have to worry about it getting chipped or anything.”

“That is a helpful insight.” Already, her mind was working, thinking about things that could make life on the road easier. “Thank you.”

“Sure, anytime.” They turned back to the workbench. “Good luck.”

Cait

The evening found Cait curled up next the fire, beer in hand, bitching with Hancock about the whole thing.

“How am I supposed to know what Deacon wants?” she said, glaring at the bottle in her hand as if it was to blame. “I don’t know shite about him.”

“No one does. That’s his whole gimmick.”

“Makes him a shitty person to find a gift for, then, doesn’t it?”

“Just get him a box of ammunition or something. It’s a good, generic gift.”

She glared at him. “Do you even know if he uses a gun?”

“Well, now that you mention it, no. But there’s gotta be somethin’ like that that’ll work. Rad-X, or RadAway, or RadSomethingElse that he needs.”

With a sigh, she took another drink. “You reckon sole’ll mind?”

“They’ve gotta know how he is, right?”

She shook her head. “Who did you get, though?”

He crinkled what was left of his nose. “Guess.”

“Someone you don’t want, by the looks of it.”

“I’ve got the ol’ tin can himself.”

She snickered into her drink. “Bad luck.”

He let out a long sigh. “Anythin’ for sole, right? I’ll dig up a gift for crew cut, you find somethin’ for shitty James Bond, they’ll be happy and we’ll move on.”

“Yeah, sure. Anythin’ for sole.”

Codsworth

Of all the people that could’ve drawn Hancock, it had to be him.

Most people, of course, would take the easy way out. A box of chems would be more than enough to make him happy, and would be easy to procure in the Commonwealth. But it just didn’t sit right with him. It just wasn’t his style, so he needed a new idea.

“And you’re sure you don’t want to just get some drugs?” Farenheit asked.

“Positive.”

“Shit.” She blew out a long trail of smoke. “That makes things harder. Do you mind gettin’ your hands dirty?”

“I’ve been known to get into the occasional scrap.”

She nodded. “A while back, John lost his lighter to some punk, a raider or somethin’. He said it wasn’t a deal, never went and got it, but if you could get it back, I bet he’d like that.”

“And where is this hooligan now?”

“Last I heard, he was hiding out in Dunwich Borers.”

Not the safest place, but he could probably talk sole into going with him. After all, if they heard raiders had moved back in, they’d want to take care of business.

It was better than any plan he had, at least.

Curie

She wouldn’t have called herself a mean person usually. She liked to think of herself as someone who was generally kind and understanding, someone who was forgiving above all, someone who wouldn’t judge others based on rumor alone.

Porter Gage was her one (and only) exception. Which made her current situation awkward, to say the least.

Worse was that there wasn’t anyone to ask, was there? Except for sole, no one knew much about Gage, and those she was closest to happened to hate his guts on principle.

But for the next few weeks, that wasn’t allowed. She could harbor no ill will toward Gage, and instead had to consider him as just another friend of sole’s. Of course, usually that meant she would go straight to sole, but they were off-limits for direct questioning. They didn’t want to know who had drawn whom, which left her with only her own critical thinking to figure this one out.

While her critical thinking had not failed her, it seemed her own ability might.

“Sacre bleu,” she swore under her breath, staring down at probably half a dozen mirelurks. This area was supposed to be peaceful, and she’d hoped to track down some pre-war bug spray. It was no secret that he was no fan of insects, and as much as she hated to agree, these mirelurks were really starting to get on her nerves. Damn giant water bugs.

At least she had found the spray, and she was safe hiding up here in the rafters for the moment. How she was getting down was uncertain, and how she was going to dodge the mirelurks without losing a leg was also up in the air, but she’d gotten what she came for.

Danse

At least he had luck on his side. Of all the people to get a gift for, Cait had to be the easiest for him. She may not have liked him, necessarily, but he understood her better than he understood most of the others. The only better pull would have been Preston, but he wasn’t about to complain.

“I’m glad,” Preston said over breakfast. “Maybe it will help her warm up to you a little.”

“I wouldn’t be certain. I understand her hesitance; it’s a wonder to have been so widely accepted by your Minutemen.”

“Our Minutemen, now.” Gently, Preston tapped his shoulder with a fist. “But speaking of the game, I don’t suppose you’ve spent much time around Ada?”

Danse turned to him, surprised. “I would have thought you were more than equipped to be paired with Ada. After all, she has been the other primary organizer for the holidays around Sanctuary.”

“Yeah, but that’s all business.” Preston sighed. “I don’t think I know much about her as a person.”

“She seems to have affinity for the same kinds of junk that sole does. Perhaps something related to that?”

“Good idea.” He glanced up from the fire and smiled. “Thanks, Danse. I bet you’ll get a great gift for Cait.”

“I hope so. You’ll undoubtedly make an excellent selection for Ada as well.”

Deacon

“You’ve known sole a long time, huh?”

“But of course!” Codsworth says, dusting off the top of the fridge. “I have known sir/mum since even before the war. Before young Shaun was born, even!”

“And you’ve just stayed here this whole time?”

“Certainly. A Mr. Handy never abandons his post!”

“Must be hard.”

“It’s certainly not the easiest work, but I am happy to do it for sir/mum. It was easier before the war, when we had such modern amenities as vacuums and indoor plumbing, but I will endure for their sake.”

“That kind of loyalty’s hard to come by,” Deacon said, leaning back. “Sole’s lucky.”

Codsworth made a noise akin to a scoff. “They’d be luckier if they ever remembered to bring a new feather duster as I asked. I’ve been waiting months now.”

He shrugged. “They’ve got a lot on their mind. Little things lost in the mix. Happens to the best of us.”

It’s the nature of Mr. Handy’s to be talkative, which only gets worse when left alone for a couple hundred years. Still, at least it’s fun to stretch those interrogation muscles again. It’s been a while.

Gage

He knew this was rigged. It has to be. His luck wasn’t bad enough that, of all people, he drew Preston fucking Garvey out of that hat. Even worse, no one would trade with him; they said that it’s not the nature of the game. It was fuckin’ stupid.

So he was stuck with the one guy that hated his guts more than anything. Fuckin’ great. Worst part was, he would have to actually make an effort, because sole had been so thrilled he’d played nice last year, and the last thing he wanted was to get on their bad side. The Overboss’s anger was a dangerous thing, after all.

He hadn’t had much of a choice but to ask sole, despite their insistence on not knowing the pairs. An exception had to be made. After all, he wasn’t sure who else to go to, and they knew Garvey well enough to put him on the right track. Which left him here, digging around the catacombs in the Castle.

“Back in the day, there was a sword that the leader of the Minutement carried around,” sole had said. “Ronnie told me about it. I bet if you tracked it down and polished it up, he’d like that.”

So here he was, choking on dust, searching for some rusted-out piece of junk that probably didn’t actually exist.

“You’re doin’ this for sole,” he muttered, rummaging through a shelf that seemed to only have bags of cement.

Anything to dodge the Overboss’s wrath, even playing nice with fucking Garvey.

Hancock

The worst part was that he knew exactly where to start. He didn’t like it, oh no, in fact he hated it beyond belief. But he prided himself on giving good gifts, tin can or no, and this was a real easy one, if he could just make it work.

At least it was easy to convince sole. They’d gone out for a little bartering, he’d volunteered to come along, and from there it was easy enough to suggest they swing by the Prydwen to barter with Teagan and get paid for those technical documents. Both very time-consuming items, and both things that tended to draw attention once sole had their nice clothes on for bartering.

The nice thing about the Prydwen was that sole had keys to everything. All he had to do was “borrow” their key ring, find the right key, and he could stroll into Maxson’s living quarters like he owned the place.

His prize was easy to find. It seemed ol’ Arthur hadn’t moved on as well as he pretended; Danse’s holotags were sitting right on top of his desk, beside his terminal. They clinked as he picked them up. Sole had mentioned they’d had to turn them in to Maxson when Danse got exiled, and he’d noticed the former Paladin often reaching for a chain around his neck to find only empty air. Which made this gift the best anyone would be giving, hands down.

“Hey, there,” he muttered, turning them over to check the name. “We better get out of here before somebody sees us, huh?”

The nice thing about sole was that they were far too engrossed in bartering to even notice he’d been gone.

MacCready

What were you supposed to get a man that already had everything he needed? It wasn’t like coursers were supposed to want things anyway. Heck, did he even have use for anything except fusion cells?

Sole’s time being a precious commodity, it seemed, left him with three options (three fellow synths, if he was honest). One: Curie, the sweet scientist who had been a synth for about five minutes and had as little in common with X6 as anyone could, save for being a synth. Two: Nick, who didn’t like X6 and probably never would. Both bad choices which, tragically, left him with lucky number three.

Admittedly, since last years mutfruit disaster, he and Danse had upgraded from “I don’t like you, you don’t like me, and that’s fine by us” to “your presence around me isn’t the literal worst” which was a marked improvement. Still, he made the effort to catch Danse while he was working on his power armor, which meant he was probably in a half-decent mood and less likely to try to kill him.

“You sought me out for advice because I’m a synth?” Danse’s tone was not pleased. Surprise, surprise.

“Well, it’s not like you don’t have other stuff in common. You had your whole heart in an organization, too, and it gave you everything you needed.”

“When I was a Paladin, you mean.”

“Yeah. What would you have wanted?”

Danse sighed and shook his head. “As much as it pains me to admit, both Curie and I have observed that Generation Three synths seem to have a terrible fondness for Fancy Lads Snack Cakes. They were forbidden on the Prydwen due to their lack of nutritional content, and I would suppose the Institute is no different. If there is anything that X6-88 wants, that’s my best guess.”

“Snack cakes, huh? That’s... surprisingly easy.” He nodded. “I bet I could get my hands on a bunch in Diamond City, I bet. Thanks, Danse.”

“Of course. Happy to help.”

Nick

It seemed to be his lucky day, because his partner was someone he knew well, and had already planned on getting a gift for: none other than Diamond City’s favorite reporter. He’d gotten Piper a gift probably every year, and already knew exactly what he wanted and where to find it. Lucky him.

“Do you think I should do rose this year?” he asked Ellie, crouched to peer into the bottom drawer of a filing cabinet. He’d stowed away at least twenty years of perfume in there, specifically for Piper.

“You went floral last year,” she said. “Do you want to repeat yourself?”

“That was more lilac than rose,” he grumbled, but pushed the perfume in hand to the back.

“I don’t think we’ve tried anything citrus-y yet.” She hopped off the desk where she was sitting to look, too. “There’s a nice one somewhere in there. What’s it called? Fresh something?”

“Fresh Citron de Vigne.” He pulled the bottle out of the back. “This one was pretty popular before the war.”

“It might be nice to switch things up for her so she doesn’t smell like a florist all the time.”

He nodded. “All that’s left is to wrap it.”

“I’ll take care of that.” She plucked the bottle from his hands. “All you’re going to do is make yourself frustrated when you rip the paper.”

He glared down at his metal fingers, which tended to wreak havoc on anything delicate, especially wrapping paper. “Thanks, Ellie.”

“You can thank me by giving her my gift while you’re up there.”

Piper

The only real question was black or brown, but that was rapidly turning into one hell of a dilemma.

“He’ll like either of them,” Nat said from the couch. “That’s why you got them.”

“I know. I just don’t remember if I gave him a black tie last year.”

She couldn’t see Nat roll her eyes, but she could feel it. “Just ask Ellie. She’ll tell you.”

“Maybe I should give him the blue one to be on the safe side.”

“The one with the little cats on it?”

“Ugh, I forgot about the cats.” She tossed both ties onto her desk with a heavy sigh. “Why did I even get that one?”

“Hey, you don’t know that he won’t like it until you try.”

She shot her sister a scathing glare. “I’m not going to embarrass him in front of everyone with the blue kitty tie. If it was just us, maybe, but now it’s a whole event and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. Which means it’s black or brown.”

Nat was unfazed by her sister’s glare. “Well, which one do you like better?”

“The black one.”

“So give him that one.”

“But I might have given him a black one last year.”

"So give him the brown one.”

“But I like the black one better.”

Nat sighed dramatically. “He’s not gonna care, Piper. It’s Nick and a tie. He’s gonna like it no matter what.”

“I know, but I don’t want him to think I can only get one color of tie.”

“You’re overthinking this. Here, give me both ties.”

Reluctantly, she handed them over and watched them disappear behind Nat’s back.

“Okay, right hand or left hand?”

“Right.”

“Brown it is.” Nat handed over the tie. “There, problem solved.”

She took the tie back and looked at it a moment.

“You know what, I think I’ll do the black one.”

Preston

Sewing was a nice, therapeutic exercise. After a long day of working on putting up lights and assembling trees and assigning cooking duties, it was nice to be able to come home and return to a project. Sole had told him about jigsaw puzzles once, and he figured this was probably a lot the same.

He’d designed this backpack specifically for Ada, less as an independent bag and more as something that could function in conjunction with the bags she already carried. It had been a uniquely challenging idea, and he’d spent quite a few nights on it before finalizing his pattern and beginning to actually cut into some leather.

Overall, it was coming along nicely. He figured it would be done well in time for the celebration. He hoped everyone else was progressing on schedule; if one of them showed up without a gift, well, he didn’t know what he would do. The idea that one of them would disappoint sole had crossed his mind more than once, and he swore to himself that if anyone failed to perform this year, they’d suffer the consequences. He just wasn’t sure what those consequences actually were.

He shook his head. No use in worrying about it before it happened. The best he would probably get would be a stern talking-to anyway, and maybe the chance to punch somebody in the face. Sole wouldn’t want him hurting any of their friends on their behalf.

Besides, depending on whoever their partner was that this hypothetical asshole had wronged, he might not have to do anything. He couldn’t see Cait letting it slide, that was for sure, and Danse believed so heavily in being a person of honor that he wouldn’t tolerate it either, no matter who had gotten screwed over.

In the end, he probably wouldn’t have to do anything, and that put a smile on his face.

X6

“You want what?”

He tried to not let his face betray him as he stared down Dr. Holden in the corner of the Bioscience division.

“A full lab kit for above-ground experimentation. Orders from the future director.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie; sole wanted him to participate in this silly game, which meant they had essentially “ordered” him to get a gift. What could a scientist want more than a full, top-of-the-line lab kit from the Institute?

“But not Father.”

He peered down at the doctor. “If you are refusing, Dr. Holden, I will report back to sole. I’m certain they will be happy to come themselves, or send word along to Father of your refusal.”

Dr. Holden huffed, and he saw the tiniest spark of fear in his eyes. “I didn’t refuse. I just wish they’d go through proper channels when requesting equipment, that’s all.” He scratched a few words on a piece of paper and handed it over. “There. That’ll get you everything you need.”

He said nothing, just took the paper coldly. Not for the first time, he appreciated that sole had authorized him to act on their behalf. For one, it showed trust, and it also made getting around much, much easier. All he had to do was mention their name, which carried the full force of the director’s office, and everyone was willing to acquiesce.

All he had to do now was make sure nothing broke. Glass was a difficult thing to transport, after all. He could relay straight back to Sanctuary, but Curie might see him, and the point was that the gift was a secret, hence the name “Secret Santa.” He could relay to the nearby Red Rocket, but that left him further to go, and more at risk of things breaking.

Decisions, decisions.

The Exchange

Shockingly, everyone had managed to get their gifts wrapped. Granted, some were better than others; Deacon still dominated with his perfect, sharp creases and hand-folded bow, where X6 might as well have just put his gift in a trash bag, but in the end it was the thought that counted.

Everyone had gathered in the newly established meeting hall of Sanctuary Hills, where sole had spent the last few days placing enough chairs and tables for everyone to be comfortable, as well as a few rugs to make the place feel cozy. They’d even made a fireplace appear out of nowhere, no easy feat, and with the settlers’ decorations it really did feel festive. Sole themself was seated by the fire, curled up with Dogmeat at their feet, and their eyes sparkled to see the gifts their friends had brought.

“Well, go on.” They waved their hands encouragingly. “Let me see what you did. I might be more excited than all of you are. Who’s going first?”

“It will be alphabetical,” Ada said, standing. “I will go first.”

She made her way to MacCready, who looked honestly surprised to see a gift appear in his lap.

“Ah, thanks. I’ll just, uh, open this.”

He tore into the paper and opened up the generic cardboard box, furrowed his eyebrows, and pulled out a series of small plastic jars.

“I have noticed you have an affinity for cooking,” she said. “I thought you might appreciate some new spices to try while on the road. It will be very difficult for you to break or spill them while traveling, as they are all in childproof containers.”

“That’s... surprisingly thoughtful.” He shook a container of dried parsley as if trying to figure out what it was. “Thanks.”

“Okay, my turn.” Cait clapped her hands and stood up. “Thanks for not changing your look again, Deacon. I’ll at least be able to find you.”

She dropped the box in his hands unceremoniously. “Don’t complain if it’s not somethin’ you want. You’re not the easiest guy to get a gift for.”

“Well, I appreciate the effort at least,” he said, peeling away the practically mangled wrapping. “If you ever want some lessons on wrapping paper, though, I’m happy to- oh.”

He pulled out a leather jacket, turning it around so that sole could see Cait had made the effort to track down the Atom Cats. A smile quirked his lips.

“Actually been looking at one of these for a while.” He gave Cait a real smile, this time. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” she huffed, clearly embarrassed. “I mean it.”

“Which brings us to me! Here you are, Mr. Hancock. One present, as promised.”

“It’s light,” Hancock commented wrily, shaking the box. “You didn’t get cheap on me, didja?”

“But of course not. I simply went for something more personal.”

“Personal?” He raised what was left of an eyebrow as he unceremoniously tore through the wrapping paper. “How did you manage that little trick?”

Codsworth waved an arm dismissively. “I have my ways.”

“Well, shit, I guess you do.”

He pulled the lighter out twirled it in his fingers and gave it an experimental light. It flicked on with ease.

“I guess you refilled it too, huh? That’s really somethin’.”

“So that’s why you drug me out to Dunwich Borers,” sole said, laughing. “I knew something was up.”

“Certainly not,” Codsworth replied, but his tone betrayed that if he could have laughed, he would have.

“Ah, I suppose that means it is my turn, non?” Carefully, Curie picked her way over to Gage. “Happy holidays, Monsieur.”

“Thanks, I guess.” He took it uncertainly. “This isn’t a bomb or anything, is it?”

“Of course not!” She sounded genuinely offended. “It is a gift, and not one that is easy to procure.”

“Just bein’ careful.” He still shook out the can more carefully than was probably necessary.

“Bug spray,” she explained. “It should repel the overly large insects you so dislike.”

Gage actually looked surprised. “I.. shit. Thanks.” He turned his head to the wall, obviously embarrassed. “Whoever’s next...”

“That would be me.” Shockingly, Danse had actually ditched his power armor for the day, at sole’s request. “Here you are, Cait. I hope it proves useful to you.”

She seemed hesitant, but accepted wordlessly, peering into the box. There was silence for a long moment, then she said, “I thought you only knew how to mod energy weapons.”

“I made an exception. That should provide you with exceptional damage and a better rate of fire for your shotgun.”

Cait could only shake her head, say, “Thanks,” and wave for the next person to go.

Deacon took his cue and handed his gift off to Codsworth. “There you go, buddy. Happy holiday.”

“Mr. Deacon.” Codsworth sounded all too pleased. “I should have known.”

Deacon shrugged. “Don’t beat yourself up. At least you know you got what you wanted.”

“How thoughtful!” Codsworth turned to sole. “You needn’t search for a new feather duster any longer sir/mum.”

They nodded, impressed. “I had forgotten I was supposed to be looking for one. Good work, Deeks.”

“Hey, you’ve got a lot on your plate boss.” He shot them a quick set of finger guns. “I’m just helping out with the little stuff.”

There was silence for a long moment before sole said, “Gage, I think it’s you.”

“What, already? Alright.”

He stood up, and when he paused in front of Preston, the room froze. No one even dared to breathe as he handed off the box, waiting for the other shoe to drop. After all, Gage was the only person Preston seemed actively willing to shoot at any time. This could only mean a fight.

“Happy holidays, Garvey.” He almost sounded genuine.

Preston accepted, understandably cautiously. “Thanks, Gage. Happy holidays.”

But when the paper was off, and the box was opened, Preston’s hesitation vanished into thin air. 

“How the hell did you even find this?” he breathed, slowly pulling the sword from its sheath. It glinted in the firelight.

“Ah, it was no big deal.” Gage’s face was smug, and he leaned back in his chair with confidence. “You guys shouldn’t leave important relics just sitting around.”

And to everyone’s surprise, especially Gage’s, Preston rose from his chair to offer Gage a handshake.

“Thanks,” he said. “For real.”

For a second time, Gage was stunned into silence before taking Preston’s hand and breathing, “Don’t mention it. That’s the game, right?”

Sole shot Gage a discreet thumbs-up as Preston settled back into his seat, and the poor guy could only nod.

“Well, ain’t that touching?” Hancock leaned over to pass off the small box to Danse, who had somehow ended up seated directly across the circle from him. “There ya go, crew cut. Don’t get your hopes up.”

Danse nodded. “I won’t.”

Sole shot Hancock a warning look as Danse carefully unwrapped it, and he winked in reply, as if to say, “Trust me.”

Danse quite literally choked.

As he pulled the chain out, the box fell from his hands, leaving the holotags in the open air. Sole gasped from their place by the fire, realizing exactly what Danse was holding, and Hancock let his smile widen.

“These should be on board the Prydwen,” he breathed, turning them over in his hands. “They should have been destroyed.” Teary eyes turned toward the mayor of Goodneighbor. “How did you...”

Hancock leaned closer to Danse, clearly enjoying his moment. “Well, it didn’t make much sense that they were on Maxson’s desk if they’ve got your name on ‘em. After all, they’re yours. What does he need them for?”

Danse leaned forward, too, pulling Hancock into a bone-crushing hug. “You could have died. If you had been caught...”

“But I wasn’t.” John Hancock truly looked like that cat who’d eaten the canary. “Happy holidays, Danse.”

“Thank you, John,” Danse replied, and his tone was sincere, without the hint of malice that usually accompanied any of his interactions with Hancock. “Happy holidays.”

Preston patted Danse’s shoulder as he let go, but still managed to shoot an impressed look across the circle at Hancock. Hancock made a peace sign at him, still grinning.

“Well, shoot,” MacCready said. “That makes me next, but I feel kinda stupid about my gift, now.”

He opted to deposit the clearly heavy box at X6′s feet instead of in his lap. It was by far the largest gift, and shockingly neat in its wrapping. He dusted his hands, said, “It’s heavy,” and returned to his seat.

“I admit that I have no clue what this is,” X6 said, prodding the box gently. “It looks too large to be fusion cells, which is what I thought it would be.”

MacCready smiled, just a little. “Maybe it’s a lot of fusion cells. Why don’t you find out?”

X6 carefully unwrapped the gift, and only just managed to open the box before his head shot up.

“Is this whole box full of them?”

“You betcha.”

“Holy shit,” he breathed. “I didn’t even know that was possible.”

Sole protested from the corner, “I can’t see what it is.”

“It’s snack cakes.” X6 held up a box indicatively. “They’re difficult for me to acquire, due to the Institute’s strict supervision of my diet, but a vice among gen three synths. I’ve never seen so many in one place.”

MacCready, to his credit, managed not to look too smug at the courser’s apparent wonder.

Nick stood. “Here you go, Piper. I suppose you know what it is. Here’s Ellie’s, while we’re at it, but you can open it later.”

She laughed and held out a hand to stop him from returning to his seat. He looked at her, bemused

“What’s so funny?”

She shook her head and reached under her chair to hand off her gift to him. “Some luck, huh? Happy holidays, Nick.”

He chuckled and shook his head. “Some luck, indeed. Happy holidays, Piper.”

They opened at the same time, Piper saying, “Oh, this is a new one,” at the same time Nick said, “Well, how classy.”

They held their gifts up in sync for sole to see, though Piper was still reading the label of her perfume.

“Citrus, huh? This’ll be nice for a change of pace. I haven’t had anything citrus-y before.”

“It’s been a while since I got a new black tie,” Nick replied, examining it. “I like the pattern. It’s subtle.”

“I can’t believe you both drew each other,” sole cut in, though they didn’t seem disappointed. “I bet you’d already planned to do gifts anyway.”

They nodded in unison.

“This does make things a little easier, though,” Piper said. “We didn’t have to set our own date this way.”

Sole shook their head. “Preston, we’re to you.”

“Sure. Here you go, Ada.”

“Thank you,” she said. “I have tried to predict what this would be, but had some difficulty, especially in the situation where you were the gift giver. I am curious, to say the least.”

“Well, I hope you like it.”

She cracked it open, albeit with some difficulty, before declaring. “This was not among the options I predicted.” She drew it from the box to examine it better. “How thoughtful. It even appears to be designed to work in tandem with my current storage.”

“That’s the idea. I know it’s not much, but I hope you can at least get some use from it.”

“To the contrary. You designed this yourself, and took the time to create it. I can see you’ve even stitched my initials along the straps, as well as the initials of those formerly in my caravan. The details and the effort make it quite touching.”

Preston knew Ada well enough to know that he had gotten the best possible response, emotion-wise, and turned to X6 with everyone else.

“Well, you all already know who this is for.” He carefully passed the box over to Curie, who beamed.

“Merci.”

He nodded, not entirely coldly, and she began to remove the paper with a surgeon’s precision, letting out a gasp when she’d opened the box.

“Oh, Monsieur! This is- I have not seen such fine materials since before the war. Where did you find them?”

“They’re top quality, designed for Institute scientists.” A hint of pride lingered in his voice. “I knew you would like them.”

“Yes, I like them very much! I cannot wait to work with new glassware again, it has been so long.”

Sole sighed contentedly from their chair, drawing their attention. “I’m so proud of you guys. I knew it was a risk asking you to do this, but I’m glad you could put aside your differences, at least for a while. Honestly, this has gone better than I could have ever imagined.”

“Anything for you, General,” Preston replied. “You’ve been more than helpful in putting us on the right track.”

They shook their head. “I was happy to do it. It showed me you were all really trying, when I thought we’d be seeing nothing but boxes of ammo. You all went above and beyond, and for that, I salute you.”

They picked up their glass and raised it to the room, smile still lingering on their face. “To all of you, for taking the time and energy, both physical and emotional, to indulge me. I’m beyond proud to call you my friends, and more proud to call you my family.”

“Happy holidays, everyone.”

[kookiepredictions]

Jungkook Twinflame Journey: Challenges & Lessons

The general structure of the TF journey is available plenty on the web so I won’t talk about the step by step journey, rather only focus on the highlights of it, specifically the challenges they are dealing with and how to possibly overcome them. Also, as was pointed out to me earlier, it must be mentioned that these readings are timeline independent, and don’t signify when these activities are happening. This is just the overall energy of Jungkook’s TF journey and what he might have/ might be/ will facing, whenever they happen.

Also, this post is long enough to be a book lol (8.5k words when I last checked) but you gotta do what you gotta do. Happy reading :)

 The first thing that jumps out is that both of them seem to be running from the connection. Both are runners, both are chasers. Jungkook is running in the 5D while his counterpart is running in the 3D. Jungkook wants to make a physical (as in 3D) relationship happen ASAP. He endlessly daydreams about being together with his DF and what he can do to make it happen. However, he is both indecisive and hesitant about taking actual action for various reasons that I will discuss later. The DF on the other hand, is running from a physical connection for reasons I will discuss later. The imbalance here is that the DF sees this as an energetic connection before anything else and wants to treat it as such, whereas Jungkook is focused on the physical manifestation of it. They’re not on the same page about how they see this connection and how they want to deal with it. Now, since a TF connection is a soul connection, it makes sense to start with the soul growth because that is what will ultimately lead to the physical manifestation of it. As I mentioned in the previous reading, Jungkook is in a stubborn “my way or the highway” kind of energy where he just wants what he wants lol. He can’t seem to understand why someone who loves him will want to stay away from him. On the surface level, this is a valid thought, but he’s not seeing, or rather refusing to see all sides of this.

The most important “earthly” blockage that gets in the way of his connection is his job. He has a lot to handle right now and he’s not, in any way, prepared to start or handle a new relationship. The irony is that he knows this. This is in fact what is making him hesitate to take action towards this connection and might I add, rightly so. His judgment and reasoning towards this connection is absolutely correct— he wants to focus on himself and his work right now and clear the unorganized mess in his life before he can bring anyone else into it. So the problem is not that he doesn’t know what to do. The problem is that he is finding it difficult to commit to this decision. He keeps swinging back and forth doubting if he has made the right choice. He keeps fearing that his decision might be wrong and he will end up losing everything he has dreamt for his future— including his DF, who he has come to value a lot right now. She is a big part of his future dreams and he fears that if she leaves, everything will start falling apart like dominoes. This is leading him to overthink this connection from every angle and feel weighed down in a way that he’s not able to take any path. He seems to be on a crossroad and really heavy with indecisive energy. And all of this is happening because he is running in the 5D— he’s running from the spiritual aspect of this connection, from the soul lessons that he needs to learn.

His DF on the other hand, sees the connection for what it is— spiritual before physical. She is in a state of complete surrender to the Universe that if they are meant to be, nothing and no one can get in the way of that. However, she also has a realistic view of it. She knows that the connection might be spiritual but the people in it are imperfect humans. She knows that the only people who can mess up this connection or stop it from manifesting in the physical are her and Jungkook. She knows how the TF connection works but most importantly, she is allowing herself to be guided by what she intuitively knows to be right. She not only has the clarity of the present situation of herself and Jungkook’s, she also has the foresight of what can go wrong in the near and far future if they rush into a connection right now. She “sees” the wounds, trauma and ego-driven behavioural patterns that both of them have and knows that unless they work on healing themselves first, their connection is no better than anyone’s else’s.

On this note, here’s something about a TF relationship: just because you are TFs doesn’t automatically mean that you both are perfect for each other. It just means that this has the HIGHEST POTENTIAL for being the best kind of relationship that anyone can ever hope to have in their lifetime. That’s what it is: a potential. Not a reality. The TF counterparts are only POTENTIALLY right for each other IF they want to make it that way. Every soul in this world has a twinflame— someone who is their most ideal, perfect match. However, when we use the term “twinflame” in discussions and articles, we only mean the twinflame counterparts who have incarnated on earth at the same time and have met, and if they have, then they will most definitely “fall in love”. However, what they then decide to do with that connection and in what direction they take it, is entirely up to them. The foundation of spirituality is free will. NOTHING is forcefully thrust upon us. We’re given complete sovereignty over how we wish to live our lives. Yes, there’s Destiny, but destiny is not a forced concept where you have no say over it. That’s not how spirituality works. Forceful subjugation is the tool of lower vibrating earthly authorities. Spirituality in its core is about freedom. Since the world is in a position of having ingested prolonged low vibrational thoughts and belief systems about love and life in general, the population at large is vibrating at these lower frequency energies. Healing these trauma and reviving our DNA to its original form takes many lifetimes. This is why even though everyone has a twinflame that was created to be their best match, the trauma we’ve incurred over generations, periods and eras, and even in the past years of our current lifetimes, have made it such that each counterpart of each twinflame pair is busy healing themselves over several lifetimes, and depending on the necessary soul contract that was undertaken, might or might not be healed and ready to meet their counterpart in each lifetime. If TFs meet their counterpart in a lifetime where they are not “healed” and behave excessively from their ego standpoint, they will face relationship problems and breakups like any other couple. Being counterparts won’t make you any special. To summarise, TF counterparts who are not healed are the exact same as any other person. In fact they can be worse, because there is an insurmountable amount of passion between them due to their soul connection, but since they haven’t learnt to “behave” like healed counterparts yet, they will end up hurting each other even more. That’s because when you meet your TF, you see how similar you both are and how this connection has SO MUCH potential to be perfect, and you start lowering your guard down, believing that this is one person in the world who will NEVER hurt you. So when you get hurt by them, it feels so much worse and painful than anyone else who has hurt you. This is why a lot of TFs who meet and fall in love before they are healed, end up with a soulmate or even a karmic or 3D partner later where they are actually happier than they were with their TFs. Also when we talk about TF Union, know that it can mean anything. It doesn’t have to mean a committed relationship or marriage. The reason being, marriages and relationships are earthly concepts. The spiritual realm doesn’t care for earthly practices at all; it only cares for earthly practices when they serve the purpose of spiritual advancement. So if a TF couple is destined to get married, that only means that their marriage is supposed to serve a spiritual cause on earth. I just remembered one of my followers kindly pointed out how rare it is for TFs to get married and I’d like to reiterate that here. It is indeed SUPER rare, because it is rare as is, to be incarnated at the same time as your TF. Spirituality is about the soul, obviously, so you’ve got to see a spiritually-rooted connection from the viewpoint of a soul, not from your earthly ego. Souls are immortal; no matter what is happening in the world, whether or not you’re dating or getting married with each other, TFs are together forever as soul units. It’s just that a soul is independent AF lol. They don’t need to always stick to each other. They let their other half do their own work/ mission on earth in one lifetime while they chill in another lifetime lol. It’s only when they know they are on the same-ish page in terms of healing from earthly traumas that they incarnate together and “plan” to meet at the right time, and when they do, fireworks lol. However, it’s still about the healing. Even after they meet. Being the kind of souls who have incarnated at the same time to be “twinflames” means that you have done enough of healing in your past lifetimes that you now have a lot more refined (less traumatic) view of love and life, than other people around you. And when I say “around you” I mean in the world. TFs who have incarnated together to meet are super rare (again, when we use the word “TF” we automatically mean the only ones who are supposed to meet). They are already born as old, highly advanced souls with thoughts, feelings and actions distinctly different from others, possibly with a great many set of talents (because they have lived several lifetimes as different people honing different skills in each lifetime— I’m reminded of the interview where Jungkook asked what had he done in his previous lifetimes to get so much love from his fans and Yoongi replied he was possibly good at everything), but most importantly, they have the desire to be better versions of themselves stronger than anyone else, because they actually are serious about their healing, even if they don’t know it consciously. They are righteous and idealistic kind of people but not in a naive way— they know the light as much as they know the darkness, because healing is about balancing both. TFs who have incarnated together are possibly living their last lifetime on earth and on the way out to Ascension but only if they do the remaining healing in their current lifetime. Because like I said before, that’s the whole point. This is why this connection, right up top, seems so powerful and deep. It’s rooted in spiritual awareness and healing past traumas. You help each other in your missions. But that doesn’t mean necessarily by being physically together. If you’re destined to be together, then you will, but if you’re not, i.e. if your mission does not include being together, then you will part ways. This seems sad and depressing (“what is the point of having/ meeting your TF if you can’t be together?”) but this is where I remind you again that this is, first and foremost, a soul connection, and no matter what happens on earth, you’re together as souls at all times. Here’s the thing though: if being apart from each other is your mission, then you will not feel sad about it. That decision will come about as a natural transition at some point in your TF journey. You both will feel that that is the right thing to do, without malice or pain in your heart, because any decision made from the soul always feels peaceful on the inside. For example, many people believe that Mary Magdalene was Jesus’ TF, and they had a lot of love between them, yet, since Jesus’ destiny was to embrace the cross, he didn’t end up marrying her. And yet, it was something he CHOSE to do, not something that someone thrust on him. He did it with complete awareness and acceptance. Because again, like I said, spirituality at its core, is freedom. Destiny only means that every path has a particular destination at the end. But which path we take, is completely up to us. Whichever path we take will lead to the destination that is at the end of it— that part is nonnegotiable. You can’t take one path and expect to reach a different destination. However, these paths are not linear, parallel tracks. They are more like a labyrinth— connecting and disconnecting at several junctions. Which means that we can change our paths at any moment that we want. If we have taken a wrong path today, it will lead to a wrong destination, but if we want to change where we end up at, we can change the path at any time. We are not doomed or fated forever to end up in a wrong place just because we took the wrong path in the past. We are only fated to go there if we keep continuing on that same path.

Coming back to Jungkook’s DF, she recognizes the spiritual aspect of the connection and what it means for her life and Jungkook’s. She knows a separation is imminent and she’s accepted it with her whole heart. She can’t pretend to be sad or missing him just to look good in his eyes because she neither misses him nor is she sad about this. She longs for him every moment of her life but she never feels like they are separate from each other. She always energetically feels him around herself and knows that he feels her too. The difference is that while she embraces this situation, Jungkook is resisting it. He WANTS to be connected with her in the physical world. It’s a really stubborn energy lol where he is simply refusing to see anything else. I used the word “refusing” because it’s not like he doesn’t know the problems that are there with regards to this connection. He is just ducking his responsibility of dealing with them and just hoping that they will somehow go away. He is, knowingly or unknowingly, in a self-centred energy where he has put all the responsibility of them being together on her. He wants her to be with him but he doesn’t want to address the reasons why they aren’t together. Truthfully, the real reason they aren’t and cannot be physically connected (in any way) is because Jungkook’s life is a mess— ENERGETICALLY. This needs to be emphasized because Jungkook often feels like he can “handle” a connection. Like I said, he daydreams and fantasizes about everything he would like to do for her and he just wants the damn connection to start and get moving already. But there’s the problem. He is only concerned about the external, physical aspect of the connection, but this is a spiritual, energetic connection. They are connected so deep and so profoundly because of this very reason. It can’t be ignored just so you two can start dating or talking even. At this moment, Jungkook is in a state where he is carrying everyone else’s energy except his own. There are way too many interferences and sabotaging around him. Add to it his wounds from past experiences and relationships. It’s just unfair of him to expect his DF to be with him while his own life is so disharmonious. It’s like, when you invite someone over to your home, do you expect them to come to a dirty, messy home? Or would you first clean up? It’s not that he is unaware of these problems. He knows, and he also often feels guilty of getting her involved in all of this. But feeling guilty is not enough. It won’t make the problems go away. He is in a victim mentality where he feels everything is happening TO him, and he is absolving himself off of the responsibility of admitting that by not doing what needs to be done, he is also a part of the problem. Don’t get me wrong, he DOES want to work on these problems, he doesn’t want to subject her to this forever. But where he is wrong is in expecting that she SHOULD stay by him while the problems still exist. And that’s just unfair. She has possibly also tried doing that. But the thing is, the actual problems are not the ones on the outside. The actual problems are the ones in his mind. He can’t always have control over his external situations, but he can ALWAYS have control over his own self IF he wants. It’s the negative energy that he lets stay inside him rent free that is the real problem. No matter what she does to make him happy, Jungkook finds a reason to be sad. No matter what she says to assure him that she loves him, he will still stick to that one vague reason that makes him afraid of losing her. Or some other fear. He feels like the problem is that they are not together. But the problem is actually that Jungkook is a whole warehouse of fear, insecurity, jealousy, anger, etc. And he is entrusting it upon her to heal him. But no one can heal someone else unless they really want to, unless they make their own effort, but most importantly, unless they recognize what the real problem is. His fears are not because of her actions, his fears are because of his past wounds. It is unfair to expect her to be at his beck and call to heal HIS past issues without him being proactive about healing himself first. TFs do play a very important role in healing each other, but not in a co-dependent, energy-vampire-ical way. They heal each other by empowering each other, helping each other be free. Excessive dependence on your counterpart does the exact opposite of healing.

His DF was likely in a past relationship with a narcissist who expected exactly this out of her. She was expected to compensate for his insecurities by limiting herself— her thoughts, feelings, and just living in general. Back then she wasn’t “awake”, so she complied, but it was never enough. The more she adjusted, the more areas she was given to adjust. It resulted in her living a life that ran on autopilot, doing only things that were “permitted” by her partner. In moments where she wanted to assert her own will, she would be made to feel guilty of doing something that her partner didn’t want her to. That she was the reason why her partner was unhappy. Now she understands that no one is responsible for someone else’s happiness or sadness. We can do things with the intention of making someone happy or sad, but how they take it and react to it is completely their call. And in the end when she had fully adapted to his way of living by completely bequeathing her autonomy of decisions and actions, one day he turned around to accuse her of not being independent and proactive enough, and for being too needy. Because that’s what ego-based behaviour leads you to do. You’re never satisfied. Here’s the difference between ego and soul— the ego demands everything but is happy with nothing; the soul accepts everything and is happy with everything.

She can assure Jungkook a million times that she loves him, that she will always be with him, but unless he gets to the root of his insecurities and eliminate them from the root, they will always go back to the same problems. Because the harsh truth is, as much as he loves her, right now he is using her and this connection as a distraction and escape from his real problems, a quick fix. But the TF connection is not supposed to distract you from your problems, it is supposed to point you exactly in the direction of where your problems are. This is what Jungkook and this connection has done for his DF, and this is what she hopes to do for him. But she can only direct him towards those problems, she can’t decide or act on them. That is something only he can do. He needs to quit waiting for someone else to fix his life and take it upon himself. He has been having tower moments after tower moments simply because he is refusing to see or act on the problems.

His problems are not all though. His DF is staying away also because of her own problems, her own past wounds. She is not as perfect as he thinks she is. Her life is not as perfect as he thinks it is. She has as many problems— both external and internal— as he does. She knows that Jungkook dreams of healing her, taking away all her pain, solving all her problems, and she is forever grateful, but it’s the wrong approach. There are some things only she can and should handle. She knows that Jungkook often looks for her dreams, wanting to fulfil all of them, be that person in her life who does those things for her. And again, she is both grateful and happy that there is someone in this big, bad world who has that kind of intention and energy towards her, and someday when the time is right, she has absolutely no doubt that he will do all of these things. But right now, it means something to her to be able to do all these things for herself. All her life, she has been following directions from someone else, either parents or a partner or anyone who would show more authority than what she had on herself. But continuously living her life on someone else’s terms didn’t work out very well. Neither for her nor for others. Her life felt empty and her soul felt restless and unfulfilled. And if one doesn’t have peace within themselves, they can’t radiate peace around them. She doesn’t blame anyone else for this. Truthfully, it’s her own fault. For not having boundaries, for letting people walk all over her. For not asserting her own choice in her own life. But she won’t do that anymore. She can’t go back to that co-dependent energy. Not even with her TF, even though he’s one of the most important people in her life right now. She’s not mad at him, she’s not punishing him for any “mistake” that he thinks he has made. She’s only doing this because she is fully convinced that is the only right thing to do in this situation. And she is not back down from her own conviction. She is no more letting other people decide for her, especially when her own intuition doesn’t support it. In the past, she has had plenty of people telling her what to do, and now she realizes that those people were a lot more clueless than she was, and that she has always been the more intuitive and “right” person in any crowd. But the self-trust that she lacked back then, she has now. And she is not questioning it anymore.

One important lesson Jungkook has to learn is to know that there are no “punishments” in this world. Due to his past experiences, either very strict parenting or strict K Pop training environment, he has this deeply seated fear of being punished when he does something wrong. If he makes mistakes— which we all do— the Universe won’t punish him. We simply have some inconvenient situations as a direct or indirect result of our actions, so that we can learn that our actions were wrong and we can correct them in future. Punishments are also ego based repercussions. If his connection is as spiritual as he believes it is, then he also has to believe that his DF would never punish him. That’s just now how a healthy relationship should be! Imagine if two people were always out to get each other for their mistakes, keeping count of them and then waiting to punish them at an opportune moment... just how stressful would that relationship be! It might be that Jungkook has had to deal with someone like that in the past which has shaped his mindset about love and relationships that way. Love is not so egotistical. Anyone who claims to love you should be always willing to forgive you, no matter how many times you make mistakes. Yes, everyone should have boundaries, no one should allow anything they consider as mistreatment, but they should still be able to forgive the person they claim to love. If there are feelings of anger, malice, revenge towards someone, no matter what they have done, that is not love. So much of Jungkook’s pain is rooted in this mindset. He believes that just because he has made mistakes in his life, he is now destined to live a life of misery and sadness as a punishment, over which he has no control. Like I explained earlier, that’s not how Destiny works. We ALWAYS have a choice and we can make that choice anytime. The question is: are we REALLY willing to? Or are we looking to turn a blind eye towards our responsibilities and then blame it on our “fate”?

With his current energy, Jungkook has one foot of the door. He KNOWS what he has to do— the hesitation that he feels about taking action towards connection is not his fear. It is in fact, his soul voice. Deep inside, he knows this is not the right time. He is not ready for this connection to move forward or even exist in the physical. He knows he needs to work on himself first. He knows what his problems are and where they are. He knows that no matter what he does, he will never lose his TF. He just finds it difficult to trust himself with his own knowledge. There are too many outside opinions and energies that interferes with his thoughts and actions. And that is also his fault because he is allowing them to.

Very notable here is that Jungkook has one or more Karmic connections that are constantly interfering with this connection. He is frequently under psychic attacks, as is his DF. These karmics act as energy vampires by energetically trying to influence his thoughts— pressuring him for attention, communication and commitment, threatening to leave him if he doesn’t oblige, threatening to date someone else— acting as if it is coming from his DF. His DF wants nothing of that sort right now. Co-dependent energy is the very first thing that TFs are supposed to eliminate from their connection, which means from their own minds. Look around you. 99% of relationships in this world are based on co-dependency. A “if you give me this, I’ll give you that” kind of energy. Love, true love, is unconditional. Think about it: “love” is defined as an emotion, and abstract noun. Love, at its core, is an emotion. It is not actions or words or relationships or marriages. Love is a feeling, that’s all. If you can feel it inside your heart, no matter what situation you are in, you are in love. It’s the world’s biggest mistake to equate love with what we do for those we claim to love. It’s like, if you love me, prove it. No. If I love you, I’ll just love you that’s all. There will be no condition on my love. It won’t exist or disappear based on what I do or don’t do. We are often placed in situations where we can’t always do everything that we do. Actions are not always the same as feelings. Sometimes two people can love each truly and deeply, but— and I’m not afraid to say it— one of them can die before the other. Or fall sick and be bedridden forever, and be completely unable to “do” anything for the ones they love. What happens then? The love disappears? Just because they can’t prove it anymore? It’s such a limiting concept of love. Also, so many people will do so many things— gifts, vacations, anniversaries, social media updates— but then will also cheat on their partners, leave them for someone else... what value do all these things that they did hold in that case? My point is, doing a lot of things means nothing if the feeling behind it is not backed by true and pure love. Too many people depend on actions to prove the existence of love, but don’t take the time to really FEEL it. When you feel love for the emotion that it is, without restrictions and judgements, trust me, the action flows effortlessly. You will naturally know when to do what and those actions will NEVER be wrong. Instead of jumping about going crazy doing things, take the time to connect with your heart space and see what is really going on in there. It’s not always fun and games. Love does come with pain and sorrow too. But negative emotions are not a bad thing. Remember, negative emotions are NOT the same as negativity. Negative emotions are signifiers. They help us see where we are facing problems, what needs to be fixed. Negativity on the other hand, is blinding ourselves from those signals, and staying stuck in that stagnant pool of negative emotions, and not making the effort to get out of it. Always remember, energy is like water. As long as it is flowing, like in a stream, it is clean and healthy— no matter what type of energy. It is only when it is stagnant that it becomes unclean and breeds diseases. And to keep energy moving and flowing, it is essential to feel your feelings, no matter what they are. Be brutally honest with yourself about how you feel. Don’t judge your feelings, don’t censor them. Don’t tell yourself, I’m not supposed to feel this way. Bulls***! You can feel any type of way that you want to. Because you’re human. And that’s what humans do, they feel. That’s what makes us different from machines. Once you can feel accurately, you can now understand your feelings. You can understand the root of those feelings. So many people get away with saying, I don’t know what I feel like, I don’t know why I feel this way. Well, it can happen. Initially. But as humans we can and are supposed to KNOW our feelings by observing them. That’s what makes us different from animals. They feel but can’t make sense of those feelings. They directly go from feeling to acting. But we can do the essential step in between. Understand our feelings and then decide how to act.

Honestly, Jungkook has been sitting in a pool for a while now. Like I said, he is carrying mostly others’ energies than his own. This is why his DF feels the need to distance herself from him even though she wanted to, and has tried to be there for him in whichever capacity possible. She is all for healing Jungkook, but she can’t be responsible for other people’s energies too. As she is energetically connected with him, she feels his energy, and it is especially difficult when he is stuck in low vibrational energy for a long time. As long as he doesn’t find a way to block these energies, he is bringing both himself and this connection down. One person is trying to fill the connection with positive energies while the other acts as a host to energy vampires. It’s exhausting for both of them! It’s like trying to empty water from a boat with holes. No matter how hard you try, the boat will sink if the holes are not repaired. And it’s something only Jungkook can do. And the only way to do it is if he rises from his pool of negative emotions. Energy vampires, psychic attacks are only effective if you give them access to your energy. Remember, any person who tries to sabotage you is already vibrating in a low frequency with their ill intentions. You block their access by simply vibrating at a higher frequency. This is the singlemost effective way to both stop outside interference as well as improving your own energy. Commit to wanting to be a happier version of yourself. And just like love, don’t make your happiness conditional. Don’t think I’ll be happy if___ Be happy where you are, how you are. You’re not unhappy because you don’t have your DF, you are unhappy because you have mental blockages that restrict you from being happy. Find out what those restrictions are, then get to work on them.

The separation is also necessary because Jungkook NEEDS to face his fears. He has been battling with a lot of fears about losing his DF, and with her losing his dream future. But instead of facing it and getting it out of his system, he has been avoiding it. He creates different scenarios that would help him avoid feeling the pain of facing and analysing his fear. Somehow, somewhere, these scenarios lead him to believing that she doesn’t love him, she cheats on him or will cheat on him, or has left him for good, is intentionally hurting him, is taking advantage of his love and his having fun doing it. These are accusations his DF will not entertain. She understands where he is coming from, she understands the conflict and battle he is going through but she will not be held responsible for something she doesn’t even dream of doing. She could be just watching a movie and crushing on an actor but Jungkook’s paranoia will conclude she is seeing someone else. It’s hurtful. And even more so when it comes from someone who seemed like the one person in this world who would never hurt you. She is struggling in her life too. She is working on herself too. The difference between her and Jungkook is that she does not hold Jungkook responsible for her happiness. She accepts his situation and his decisions without questioning his motives, and she expects the same energy from him. They might be TFs but they are two separate individuals with different mentalities, backgrounds and situations. Each of them has the right to live their lives EXACTLY as they want to, without having to explain themselves, or proving their loyalty all the time. She won’t spend her whole lifetime proving her love and loyalty to someone who is supposed to understand her already. The TF separation period is not a punishment. It is a gift. It is their first opportunity to test if their love is really as strong and eternal as they think it is. True love does not disappear because of distance and situations. You don’t need to be with your partner to love them. Heck, you don’t even need a partner to love! Love, as I said, is an emotion to be felt. If you feel it, you know love. If you experience love, and then proceed to put fences of restrictions and conditions around it, one day, the restrictions will win and the love will lose. The separation really helps us test out the strength of the connection. Know that in spirituality there are always win-win situations. If two people do love each other truly, they will always come back to each other. It’s always better to leave your connection be free. Two people who are free to go anywhere they like and be with anyone they like, yet choose to come back to each other without demanding without accusing, is the best kind of love connection. And if they don’t come back, that means that connection wasn’t as good as it seemed after all, in which case, you’re free to look for the real one!

Jungkook really needs to loosen his grip. He needs to let her go. He needs to let her come back to him because she wants to, not because she felt trapped with guilt to stay with him. It is also his test for how much trust he has on someone he claims to love so much. If he can’t trust her now, he will not magically learn to trust her later when they are in a physical connection.

The thing is, everything written in this post, Jungkook already knows. And his DF knows this. She sees him beyond his outer tantrums through to his soul. She knows who he is inside there and what he wants and needs. She’s probably overconfident that she knows him better than he knows himself lol. And this is what is keeping her hopeful about this connection. She believes in him and is rooting for him to come through with his soul lessons and healing. Just like he believes in her and is rooting for her success in her life and career. He’s just... how to put it... overzealous about her lol. I’ve mentioned earlier that Jungkook values equal give and take in a relationship but this is causing detriment. He believes that she has done way too much for him and in return, he has given too little to her. That might be true lol but he must remember that firstly, he has already given her a lot more than what she has ever received from anyone. It’s not always the material things you know, the most valuable things in life are the ones money can’t buy. She has experienced being loved exactly the way she had always wanted to be loved. Him and the people around him have contributed to making her a strong, independent, assertive woman and shed many of her past inhibitions and weaknesses. This connection has caused her faith in herself and the Divine to go through the roof! And that’s exactly what he needs right now too. He needs to have faith. Faith in himself, this connection and the Universe. He really needs to see that she is not the only special person in this connection. He is as special as her as well— he is her! If he can’t forget her, how can she forget him? If he thinks she is irreplaceable, how can he not be irreplaceable in her life as well? He needs to work on his self-image and self-confidence to really see that he is equal, if not greater than her. She already sees him as special and irreplaceable but his lack of self esteem is causing him to create this illusion that she is too good for him, that he will never find anyone like her and therefore he must cling to her to make sure she never leaves. Even if they get into a connection, is it healthy to live with these fears and insecurities all your life? It’s time for him to shift the focus from her to himself and give himself all that pure, genuine love that she gave her. Self love. And then if she doesn’t come back, then fu** that bi***! An insanely gorgeous man who loves himself and has healed himself? There must be someone in this whole wide world who will know how to value that!

He needs to have faith in this connection. He needs to remember that he had no control over how it started. It just... happened. It was Divine planning and Divine timing. It came to him when he most needed it even when he didn’t know that he needed it. That’s how the Divine works. As broken, trauma-beaten humans, we tend to want to control everything exactly according to our understanding. But know that our understanding of life is limited. We don’t know everything that is happening or will happen in the future. We don’t know everything about other people. We don’t even know everything about ourselves. How can we hope to control everything with our limited knowledge? Only the Divine/ Universe/ Source or whatever you want to call it, knows everything every time. Even when homo sapiens were merely amoebas, the Universe was still here, doing its job. Even when humans were not here to “oversee” everything, the Universe was still operating smoothly according to its own rules. Everything human beings have learnt is from the Universe, from nature. It was here before us and it will be here probably even after we’re extinct. We’re not supposed to get ahead of it, we’re supposed to align with the Universal flow that has always existed. And we do it by having faith. Anything that is rooted in spirituality will require faith. We tend to want to first see things/ get assurances before we can have faith, but in reality it is only when we have faith that we see what we want. If the greatest inventors of the world waited to see things to believe in their existence, we wouldn’t have made all these advancements. To create something, and especially to create something new, have faith first. You can’t expect to have deep, pure, unconditional love by treating it like a casual date. Don’t try to define or understand it in terms of connections or relationships you’ve already had, because this is nothing like that. IF there is something wrong with this connection, trust that you will know. If you are keeping a clear, open mind, you will KNOW when things are wrong, and you will know when they are right. Don’t restrict your good judgement by doubting yourself all the time. Don’t depend on others to define or solve a situation that YOU are going through. It is your problem, you are capable enough to solve it. That’s how the Universe hands us situations and problems. We already have the capability of handling them, we just need to dig it out of ourselves firstly by deciding that we want to solve it, then by believing that we can. We really don’t need anyone for anything in life. If we do need anyone, the Universe promptly sends them to us. It is natural to WANT someone to be beside us though. But if the Universe is showing us that it’s not the right time by putting distances and obstacles between us, then we need to trust and accept that it is for our highest good. We might not know how right now, but in time we will.

The DF, as I said, is in this state of complete acceptance. This has filled her up with a sense of peace, happiness and stability. She is not one bit sad about the separation. Instead, she is sad that Jungkook is staying sad simply because he’s not accepting a situation that he has no control over. This resistance is making him overthink and worry himself sick over what she’s doing, thinking, feeling, and then accusing her of being the reason why he’s sad. This is not his energy. This is not the person he is, she knows it. This connection has given her the much needed high vibration energy to deal with her personal problems and solve them. She is celebrating her small wins and just being alive you know? She has not felt this free and light in all her life and she is not going back to worrying over things and situations she can’t control and be sad about them. She REALLY wishes Jungkook to do his own healing and join her in this energetic space because it is beautiful! But like everything else, she can’t control him. Because of the intense love and passion he has for her, he might think that she controls him but she doesn’t. He is controlled by his own fear and anxiety. She can’t make him take the decisions and actions required for him to heal. She can only heal herself, hoping that it will energetically help him instead. And to do that, she needs to focus every bit of her energy on herself. She is always connected to Jungkook, but she will not play host to other interfering energies anymore. Jungkook needs to also focus all his energy on himself but again, she can’t force him to do anything, it’s his call. She expects complete freedom to make her own life decisions according to her own understanding, and she expects anyone who claims to love her to respectfully accept it without accusing her of being selfish. Because self love is NOT being selfish. Especially for people like Jungkook and his DF, who are giving people, self love is an investment for the betterment of everyone they come in contact with. The more they invest in themselves, the more their tribe flourishes. He needs to accept that she shouldn’t be expected to be on standby while he is sorting out his life. He needs to accept that she deserves to live her life while she needs to accept that he deserves to live his life as well. There is no need to restrict or limit your life for your TF. Like I said, spirituality is about freedom. If a TF connection is not completely free of restrictions and limitations then it’s most likely not one. And yes, that includes dating as well. It might never happen, but that’s not the point. The point is, how far are we willing to go into acceptance of our TF counterpart’s freedom of choice for their happiness? And the answer should always be, ALL THE WAY. If your divine counterpart decides to start dating while in separation, it definitely won’t be an easy thing to handle. But if it’s really the unconditional love you swear you have for them, you should work through your own insecurities to allow them that choice as well. Of course, one doesn’t have to. No one is obligated to put up with anything they don’t like or can’t accept, or stay in that kind of a connection. And that’s the beauty of spirituality. Freedom. You are free to reject that connection. There is no “duty” or “destiny” binding you to anything you REALLY do not want to be a part of. But you’ve got to choose a side now and commit to that journey. No more doubting and avoiding. If you want it, then do what needs to be done for it, not just what you’re comfortable doing. If your comfort zone is more preferable to you, then stay in there but don’t complain why there’s no “unconditional love” in this world. To get unconditional love, you must give unconditional love first. And to do that, remove all restrictions and conditions in your own mentality that get in the way— not in the other person’s mentality. Trust in the Universe which has obviously proven time and time again to be more powerful than you. Trust that the energy you put out is the energy you will receive.

To sum up, this is a really important phase in Jungkook’s life. He is on a crossroad, not able to make definite decisions, just because he can’t put enough faith in himself, the Universe and this connection. Well, he can’t control the connection or the Universe so he should start with increasing faith in himself. Believe that he can and will always take the right decisions because here’s the fun thing: there are no wrong decisions when the intention is right. His DF believes in his ability because she knows his intentions to be pure and genuine all the time. All he wants is to do good to everyone, she has seen that. And the Universe loves him for that and wants to reward him. But he is blocking his rewards by being so damn stubborn and resistant. Don’t resist the change. Change is good. Change is growth. Growth means promotion and rewards. He has already sort of taken the right decision by wanting to focus on himself. It is time to commit to it by letting go of doubts and by FULLY, WHOLLY focusing his energy on himself and himself only. Leave his worries about his DF to the Universe. She’s a strong gal, she’s got this! TFs are not supposed to be energy leeches on each other’s backs. They’re not supposed to be weaknesses to each other, they’re supposed to be each other’s biggest strengths. Allow her to grow on her own to be the strong and rightful partner that she has the potential to be. Allow her to stretch her limbs and see what she’s capable of doing in her life, to go after her dreams with full force and focus. Just his energy of wanting to protect her and take care of her make her feel SO loved it really makes her feel like she can do anything! He doesn’t need to do anything else for her right now. What he really needs to protect her from is his own negative energies, by working on healing them, because she feels them. He needs to protect her from outside interference by taking responsibility of his own healing and his own life. People are pointing fingers at this connection because his life and mental health deteriorating. Not everyone is against him or this connection. Some people genuinely love him and want the best for him, and if he gives them the reason to believe that this connection is the reason why he is suffering, then that is wrong. He needs to step up and step in. They need to see this period as a gift, an opportunity to become their best versions before they get back together so that when they do, they don’t end up hurting each other due to their wounded ego-based behaviours. It’s not the easiest journey but I assure it is the MOST fulfilling. Once you let go of your worries, and everything you can’t control, you find this constant peace of mind, which is interspersed with frequent moments of euphoria— when you do get there, you’ll never want to go back. You get a bird’s eye view of this life and realize what the most important things in life really are, and what you really want, what really gives you real happiness. And you also see the best ways to get there. Free yourself. That’s why this connection really has come into your life. Free yourself from your own limitations. Your DF wants nothing from you except for you to flourish and be happy. Do whatever the hell you need to do for that, no judgements at all. She’ll meet you at the other side of the finish line :)

[the-orxcle]

the old & the new.

WHO: Barbara Gordon & Dinah Lance [ @killervcice ] WHERE: A small-time drug den & Barbara’s apartment WHEN: July 7th 2020 WHAT: Oracle and Black Canary tackle a small time drug den to confirm a hunch that Oracle has had. They talk about reforming teams and transforming relationships.

Babs: saying babs had a one track mind isn't fair. truly, she she could have several tracks in her mind that went so deep they could come off as one-track, but she felt like she always had room for more. that was exactly the thought process that was going through her mind as she ruminated about the bird of prey. it had been a few years, sure, but with steph and cass a bit more experienced, she gets excited at the idea of bringing them into the fold, too. of course, it's all just thoughts until anything happens. when she notices weird activity on a block she walks by daily and decides to pay closer attention from a different point of view, she finds the action. 

she made quick work on contacting dinah, sharing her suspicions about a small drug factory in this building. it was only natural to call out her oldest friend, and if it turned out to be nothing, that was fine. still, something nagged. 

"alright, if you go around back of the building, there's a fire escape and a set of stairs that goes down into a basement. that's what we want." she instructs, "i recommend that, unless you want a nice pleasant bell to give your arrival away."

Dinah: it had been a point of joy for dinah once that she and babs had been strong enough to have their own team. they didn't need the league, they just needed each other and the family they made for themselves. honestly, she missed it. even though her and babs had hardly grown apart in the time since. it was just a little different and she's had plenty of time to think about it with the league now being back and frankly larger than ever, it's something that she's just simply come to accept now that she would have gone back to the birds of prey in a heartbeat if she could. 

dinah was always going to go when babs needed her, all too happy to help out her partner and when she’s already suited up and on patrol, then a small detour wasn’t exactly going to be too difficult to manage.

she nods as babs speaks careful to keep moving. "i don't know, people are usually pretty agreeable when you use the doorbell," she jokes with a grin. sure enough babs was (as usual) spot on and she finds the door without much hassle. "i hope you know we're getting food after that, that's the price of the great black canary," she smirks before starting down the stairs. "hopefully this wont take too long,"

Babs: "oh, yeah, we'll just let them throw a load of white powder over you to find out what it is they're making, too." she chuckles as her eyes glide over the camera system she now had access to. it was already playing back in a still loop for those that thought they controlled it. dinah was going in without them any wiser. "ooh, I could do food. i'm feeling breakfast at midnight... but we seriously need to talk about your salary negotiation skills if I can get you for the price of a dinner." she chuckles, "wait just a second before opening..." two men were sauntering away, just annoyingly slow. when they turn into a room and close the door, she speaks again, "okay, now. two guys in the closed door on the right. you want the trap door in that room."

Dinah: "sometimes you've just gotta take one for the team," dinah laughs with a smirk. it's a testament to just how synchronised they are that they could joke the way they did, even though dinah was indeed still careful to keep an eye out. oracle's abilities were impressive and dinah trusted babs not to miss anything, but things could go south quickly if she didn't pay attention. "breakfast with my favorite person, what else could i possibly want?" dinah waits as instructed before moving in. "we wouldn't want this to be too easy would we," luckily, dinah was able to get the two out of the way quickly, although they'd likely have a headache when they woke up. she moved to the trap door then pausing for direction form babs.

Babs: babs smirks as dinah makes her progress, letting her focus on the fight for the moment, though it was clear those two creeps were no match for her. "okay, so down those stairs is a pretty open basement. it looks like their big guns are actually on a table to the left when you go down. i would guess they have weapons on them, but you can get between them and the big ones. all you need is a sample of what they're working with, i have the images saved and running. i want to figure out where these guys are coming from, because this is too casual to be any sort of headquarter setup," she was half reasoning aloud, "there is a bunch of gasoline to the right if you wanna screw up the rest of their product after you have a sample for me."

Dinah: dinah nods as babs gives her her instructions. it felt good didn't it, getting to do this again. dinah is certain that there's no one she wanted to do this with more than the other. "useful," she remarks as she notes the big guns were out of play, though babs was right that didn't exactly mean she was exactly out of harms way."right, one sample and fire coming right up," she grins before making her move down the stairs. "alright boys i'm giving you an out, anyone wants to leave now you can the police will be more than happy to help you out," of course no one takes her up on her offer and what follows is a flurry of movement and one good scream. babs was right the big guns were out of the way, so she's able to get what she needs whilst also fighting off the men. "got it!" she remarks stuffing the small collection of powder into her jacket whilst making another roundhouse kick to an opponent. she retreats then until she's close enough to the barrel to knock it over, being careful not to get any on her clothes. "well fellas this has been fun, but i have a date you understand," most of them seem to have gotten the hint now and are busy racing towards the exit. so, there's no harm in her dropping her lighter into the puddle now growing on the floor, before she was racing towards the door. "there, another win for the dream team,"

Babs: babs can't help but smirk as she watches dinah go, careful to watch for any moment of vulnerability for her, but as always she's practically infallible. m'gann's words once again run through her head, along with the slew of people that asked her about dinah... it's the comment about a date that sealed the deal in her head. she had to say something. even that thought process was pushed to the side though as dinah finished up the guys, "well, we know they're not super specially trained...." there's a bit of amusement in her tone. she hums for a moment, clearly pondering, "but it was only a minor house. this is... bigger. i don't like this, and NOVA would make the perfect cover for smaller groups to set up shop majorly." she sighs, leaning back in her chair, arms crossed as she watches dinah make her way back to her bike. she's careful as she speaks, her idea only being spoken for the first time now. "this isn't something i want to bother the league with. bigger fish and all.... but i have been thinking... helena and ted are here, and cass, steph, damian... they all have the skills... i feel like the birds could be of some use around here. what do you think?" sure, she didn't need dinah's blessing, but the whole dream team thing didn't come from no where. her opinion definitely mattered here.

Dinah: "always good to rule out," dinah jokes playfully. of course she's in a good mood, how could she not be when this had gone so well. she is all but seconds away from claiming babs as her good luck charm when babs continues and really all barbara was doing was highlighting the same things she was thinking. when you'd been in this game as long as the two of them had you simply learned to trust your intuition. "it's nothing we can't handle," she speaks quickly and she really does mean it because having babs in her ear even after all this time was one hell of a confidence boost. then babs continues in a tone of voice she knows far too well at this point. she's careful to keep her eyes on the road as she makes her way back to babs but still a smirk pulls at her features. "are you asking if i want to get the band back together? because you know you don't need to right?" sure, she was a member of the league but the birds of prey had always always been her team, her and bab's anyway. if the others didn't like that, well she wasn't exactly asking for permission. "a whole new team will be... interesting, but i think we can handle it," when had they not been able to over come a challenge or two? besides, babs had a very strong point. many of the teams strongest players were already here so really it felt like it was just a matter of time. it wasn't something babs needed to question. "you know i'd follow you to the ends of the earth if you asked. except y'know please don't ask that of me or do that if you're taking suggestions,"

Babs: babs cant help but chuckle a little as she listens to the other. she even smirks as she basically echoes her own thoughts. "i know i don't need to. it's almost like i value your opinion," she teases. as she listens to the other, she's a little relieved that expressions can't be shared. the conversation with m'gann basically flashed through her head on repeat at this point, and she silently puts a hand over her brow. dinah just... said these things, these really genuine things that she knew she meant, because dinah didn't know what the word subtle meant, that made babs feel downright giddy. "i know you would," she says gently, and for once, too preoccupied with other thoughts to give anything more detailed. so she takes a breath and hums as she brings herself back to the moment, "alright, you focus on coming here, i'll order something. i feel like i have a thousand things i want to talk about." it may have been the understatement of the century, but she wasn't about to spill everything over coms.

Dinah: dinah smirks as she drives. luckily it wasn't going to take her too long to get back to babs' and she knew the streets like the back of her hand she's all too happy to multitask."really, who would have thought it," unable to stop herself from beaming. her good mood is only further reinforced with barbara's affirmation because really, what would have been the point of hiding her emotions from someone who'd known her for as long as she had? in that moment the only thing she wanted to do was celebrate a pretty clear win with her favorite person while discussing their team. after all, after giving up the mantle of black canary there had been a time when she'd been convinced she'd never be a member of the birds of prey again. "when you say stuff like that i feel like i should stop to get some wine on the way," she teased gently. "which is totally an option," she really only joked around like this with babs, it's a sign of just how relaxed with the other. "i won't be long,"

Babs: "i'm almost hurt you don't think I'm prepared enough to have a stock of wine by now," she fakes offense in her voice, but the smile is clear in her tone. "let yourself in, i'm setting up everything." only when Dinah was around the corner, does babs rise from her desk and goes about setting up an area to test the substance that was on its way. to say she was more cautious since damian and then dick's incident... well, that would be an understatement, which is why she keeps the mic on as she goes about her business. it didn't matter how capable anyone was, "i almost wish i could bring this into SCPD and test it there, but i feel like that'd be frowned upon if i'm not sharing the case. yet, at least. we'll see once we know what we're dealing with," she only pauses a moment before her mind wanders back to the possibility of the birds of prey, "i may have to wait a bit with damian... but i'm worried. that's a dangerous anger and im not sure if bruce is helping or hurting at this point. and honestly i don't even blame him..."

Dinah: "what if i thought i'd drank it all?" dinah questions with a laugh before nodding. she was only a moment or two away so soon enough she was parking her bike outside, taking her helmet off, tucking it under her arm and making her way to the other. all while babs was still talking in her ear. it was a comfort though wasn't it? she's all too used to being babs' person for such sound boarding and it's something she treasures. "i think we have to play this carefully," dinah hums in agreement. she avoids making a joke for the moment knowing that this was serious. "listen if there's one thing i know we can handle it's anger issues," her mind turns affectionately to some of the other team members for a moment as she gets into the . "i'm sure bruce means well but," she sighs then. "i'm sure we can help, if nothing else he might just enjoy knowing the door is open," she makes her way to the other's door then turning the com off before stepping inside. "honey i'm home," she calls out with a laugh before walking to the other and pulling the sample from her pocket."one special delivery for a special lady,"

Babs: as dinah comes into the apartment, babs can't help but sigh a little. she smiles, of course she does. how can she not with dinah sweeping into the apartment like that? honey im home? the wry smile babs has on is not exactly normal, nor is the little sigh she lets out as she takes the sample. "you are, once again, the best. if you want to get changed, I'll set this up." she turns to go about her work, trying to just focus on that until she can leave it for a few hours.

when the test is running, she moves to sit on the couch, smiling when dinah comes into the room again. "'c'mere," she pats the couch next to her, clearly with something on her mind. she sighs a moment before she launches in to a speech she'd been turning in her head for... a while now. "so... i had an interesting conversation with m'gann recently. told me that, when i talked about you, i got this... feeling. consistently. and, you know, people ask about you enough and have said, joked... you know," she smirks a moment, and moves to grab the other's hand, "i wouldn't really believe them. but... i can't really argue with my own feelings, can i?" the smirk melts into a wry smile and a shrug, "and, if i'm being honest... i knew they were there. i've known i have feelings for you. I don't know since when. but... they're there. and man, you don't make it easy to ignore them, you know."

Dinah: "i do my best," she grins. dinah doesn't really even notice the change in the other's mood because she's so fatigued from the mission, but she nods patting the others shoulder. "okay, i'll be back in a minute," luckily she kept plenty of clothes in babs' apartment just so that moments like these weren't an issue.

it's not a surprise to see that babs has moved to the couch, right now all dinah wanted to do was flop down beside her. something about the look on babs' face makes her pause however and she can't help but raise a brow. "oh boy, you've got your thinking face on," still, she nods as the other mentions m'gann thinking that it couldn't be anything too stressful surely. something lurches in her chest as the other mentions feelings however. talk about a bad time for butterflies. "people being ted," she offers in an attempt to be helpful more than a little curious and confused all at once. then babs mentions her feelings and dinah just feels her heart racing further. was she saying what she thought she was saying? "wait babs just hold up a second," she breathes with a shake of her head clutching at the other's hand like it was a lifejacket in the middle of the sea. "i need you to be real clear with me, are you saying feelings like romantic feelings?" she doesn't want to risk being wrong but a grin spreads onto her features regardless. "it's okay if you are, great even i just... want to be sure,"

Babs: the feeling of Dinah clutching her hand too... that felt nice. a solid reassurance in a moment where she actually needed it. "oh, it's more than Ted...." she chuckles a little, but nods at the next question. Babs finds herself analyzing every twitch of Dinah's face, looking for any bad turn, any hint she should veer away... but she finds only the opposite. Dinah's smiling, grinning even, and clutching her had and... Babs realizing her heart is feeling light in a way it hasn't for a long time. it's like a breath of fresh air, almost, the way her heart seems to race, "that's exactly what I'm saying," she nods gently, but shrugs again, "dunno when it started. but I swear you've gotten sweeter since you showed up here-- not complaining," she clairifes, but her head tilts, brow arching a bit with a little smile, "great you say? that... sounds promising." she stays where she is, but inside she feels like her heart could beat out of her chest in this moment. she's nervous, but also... she can only feel so nervous with Dinah at her side. she finds herself running a thumb over the other's hand, "you're my partner, dinah. it's just... it's that simple. basic logic." and, to Babs, that said it all.

Dinah: she's being wary, at least subconsciously, for a long moment. dinah didn't exactl have the best track record when it came to luck in romance and babs well she's too special to even come close to loosing. she can't breathe for the moment out of the pure shock of the moment but it's not like dinah would want to be anywhere else. barbara gordon felt the same way about her that she'd felt about her for a long time now. it didn't seem real. "i'm asleep," dinah blurts out looking at the other with raised brows. her mind is racing at a thousand miles a minute in an attempt to try and comprehend what it is the other was saying. "there's no way i'm awake right now," her other hand moves to trace over the other's cheek then as if to test that she was real, although she doesn't move it with the contact. "oh yeah?" she questions playfully. she wants to be cool even in that moment but really she's not sure she's pulled that off. "basic logic," she echoes. "you know i think you might be onto something there," there are so many things she wants to say in that moment, but there's something else she wants more in that moment. "do you think you can come here please," she's sure for a moment her eyes are fixated on the other's lips. "been wanting to do this for a while,"

Babs: a trill of laughter pours from Babs mouth as the other blurts out her comment, and shakes her head fondly. "you're not," she teases, but her face freezes and softens at the contact on her cheek. she leans into it, pressing her cheek into dinahs hand. she can't contain her grin at the moment, and arches a playful brow of her own, "well, they tell me I'm pretty smart." she's more than amused as they both try to play this cool, but dinahs next statement makes Babs laugh a little breathlessly. the comment of waiting a while didn't hit right out of the gate, instead she was a little too preoccupied with how Dinah was staring at her lips. she feels like her heart could just jump out of her body as she shifts closer to Dinah, wrapping her arms around her shoulders and presses their lips together in a kiss. at first, Babs is soft and maybe even timid, but it only takes a moment before she realizes this is exactly what she's wanted to do for a while now. she can't help but sigh into it, pulling them closer together as she deepened the kiss. she feels like they're floating together, like nothing could stop either of them. it's only when they pause for air does Babs pull back just far enough to tilt her head in curiousity as the previous statement hit, "what do you mean a while? Dinah. did I really beat you at something?" she can't help but tease.

Dinah: the contact between the two of them is grounding in that moment. the way bab tilts her head into her palm is a welcome reminder that she wasn't doing this alone. it's a big deal baring your heart to someone but at the same time babs was babs. she hums in agreement at her next comment. honestly just too distracted to focus on anything else. she puts her all into the kiss happily, not really ever one for wasting time. babs had opened the floodgates now, the least she could do was show the other how much she appreciated it. still, with passion she's also careful, wrapping her free arm around the other in a hopefully settling manner. she just wants babs to feel loved in that moment more than anything else. they were in this together as if that was not the most thrilling thought possible. she flushes at the other's words still breathless from the kiss as she shakes her head. "just this once" she breathes gently thumb tracing over the other's cheek. "don't let it go to your head okay, we're a team we're supposed to figure things out together," she wants to kiss her again and as a result doesn't even hesitate before moving in to peck her lips gently. "you know, i think we might need to practice this like we do everything else,"

Babs: feeling dinah's arms wrapped around her like this is... well, babs can't deny that it's a warmth she doesn't want to end any time soon. she settles in dinah's lap happily, a familiar place to be at this point, now better than she could have imagined. the feeling of the hand at her cheek and the arm holding her, along with the left over tingling sensation on her lips... it's all enough to make babs want to melt. but at the same time, she's not sure there's anyone more solid and stable she can think of. sure, dinah had just come back from tour with a kid but... as far as people being there, dinah lance never backed down, never hesitated. there wasn't a day she was gone that babs didn't think dinah would drop everything if she needed her to. she lets out a little bit of a giggle, but falls silent with another grin as they kiss again, even if it's just a moment. she looks at the other earnestly, fingers trailing through her hair, "there's no one else I want to figure things out with," she says earnestly, melting into a bit of a giggle, "well, i do love studying...." and even her cheeks burn at the joke. perhaps another time she'd comment on her utterly awful humor in the moment, or on just how distracting the other was being, but instead babs had simply had enough of not kissing dinah. so, she pulls them together again, this time with no intent of stopping.

[moonlightkitkat]

Ladybug Review

Okay, so I really enjoyed the first part of the episode. I loved seeing how Adrien wanted to get her the perfect gift and how he wanted to be there to celebrate with her. Honestly the Adrinette in this episode was really really good! I really liked seeing him come to her defense, and how he took steps to make sure that Lila didn’t get away with it. It looks like he won’t be as passive now that she’s targeting his friends in a worse way, and I look forward to seeing Adrien play a more active role in the series!

I loved the classmates in this episode. I love how all of them had Marinette’s back, and how they were actively standing up for her when all of this was going down.

The Alyanette in this episode was refreshing to see. Knowing that Alya trusts Marinette, to the point that she knows that something is off when the necklace was revealed, made me feel a lot better about her character. I loved seeing Detective Alya searching to find a way to help Marinette and clear her name. Even though the evidence pointed to Marinette, she knew that this was wrong, and tried her hardest to find out the truth, which she now knows is unreliable from Lila.

Lila.... well she was Lila. I thought it was funny how she thought that just sitting down would mean she was pushed, when she should have been sprawled out or curled up on the floor lol.

The fact that Mr. Damocles didn’t ask for any witnesses to support Lila’s claims is really iffy to me. He didn’t ask their teacher if they’d seen anything like that, or ask anyone in the class if Lila had talked to them about it, or if they’d seen it.

The Natalie and Gabriel stuff was really good, but honestly I’m really shocked tha they’re so focused on Marinette? Like, what the heck? Natalie knows her and has seen how much she genuinely cares for Adrien???

Bugette was adorable, and I felt so bad for her. Watching her just disappear after feeling herself being ripped apart was really hard to watch.

Chat Noir... oh Kitty. How is it that twice now you almost got your ring stolen by a copy of Ladybug just because you were so eager to kiss her? Like really. Twice. I appreciate how he didn’t immediately believe Bugette, but then seeing him believe that Ladybug was the fake just made me so disappointed. He really did just want a Ladybug who loved him, didn’t he.

I’m surprised that Ladybug would both throw Mayura off of the roof, and that she wouldn’t trust that Chat could catch himself. Like girl you’ve thrown him off of buildings many times and he’s been just fine. He got launched across Paris in Stormy Weather lol. As he said “we’re supposed to be near indestructible.” He would’ve been fine. I was happy to see that she still values him as a partner after the past few episodes though.

I liked seeing Adrien talk to Lila, and I was surprised that she went along with it so easily. Can we talk about Natalie just eavesdropping on two teens though? Girl you got problems.

I really don’t like Mr. Damocles, I just gotta say it. He finds out that this girl has a “disease” that makes her say things, but he isn’t suspicious that she planted evidence and also framed a student for assault? She should’ve gotten suspended, because it wasn’t just her telling lies, she took active steps to frame Marinette. How are Sabine and Tom believing her? They now know that this girl framed their baby and got her expelled, and could’ve ruined her name, but then totally believes that she isn’t lying this time.

Overall I did enjoy the episode. I loved Adrien and Alya, and god Marinettte needs a break. This episode could have been so much worse, but I’m so glad that it wasn’t. It made me laugh a lot, but idk if I’d watch this episode again.

[isitgintimeyet]

The Ties That Bind

AO3

Previous

Thanks for reading so far.

Thanks to @mo-nighean-rouge for the beta and support. Thanks also to @happytoobservenolongerdistant @faeriesfanficblog @futurelounging for the support.

OK, angst warning -  I’m sure everybody knows what this chapter is going to be about...

Chapter 29: An Anticipated Delivery

James: Look, you gotta use Lamaze. It works. My sister-in-law used it. You don't use drugs, and it's better for the kid. Mollie: You know, the only people who say stupid things like that are men, because they're idiots!

-Look Who’s Talking

Claire woke with a start, suddenly conscious of the cold space next to her. The bedroom was still dark, the clock flashing 6:30. It had been a fitful night’s sleep for both of them. Jamie had turned to her in the night, assuming their spooning position, but with his hand wrapped around his phone, rather than its usual place gently cupping her breast.

Shivering, she slipped out of bed and quickly donned her onesie.

Downstairs, she could see Jamie sitting in the dark in the conservatory, sipping a coffee. She poured herself a mug and went to join him. Without a word, he caught her hand, bringing it to his lips as she sat next to him. She leant into him, relishing his body heat though his old hoodie.

“Everything’s going to change.” Claire said quietly.

“Aye.” Unfocused, Jamie stared out into the garden, his mind a million miles away. Then suddenly he refocused, shook his head, and spoke clearly.

“Weel, no’ everything. What willna change is ye and I, Sassenach, and the way I feel about ye. We’ll adjust, we’ll manage… it’ll still be us. Promise me ye’ll stick around?”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good, because…”

The phone suddenly interrupted their conversation. Jamie pressed the speaker button and positioned it between himself and Claire, his hand trembling slightly.

“Jamie, he’s here. Arrived about thirty minutes ago.” Isobel’s voice sounded thrilled but exhausted. “Normal delivery. No complications. They’re just sorting Geneva out now, but the baby is fine. Nine pounds one. And a fine pair of lungs on him. Screaming fit to burst as soon as he emerged.”

“Ah, that’s great news. Thanks for this, Isobel. When can I come and see him?”

In the dawn light, Claire could see Jamie’s eyes: the tears shining brightly, ready to fall.

“Come at eleven, if you can. Hopefully, they can come home later this afternoon, if all goes well. See you later then, Jamie.”

Jamie turned and buried his head in Claire’s neck, his tears now falling freely. Eventually, with a huge sniff, he composed himself and pulled back slightly.

“Do ye...are ye...do ye mind…?” Jamie struggled to find the right words.

“I’m not coming to the hospital with you today.” She interrupted his struggle, saving him from having to say those words to her. Today was not the day for Claire to deal with Geneva, or, God forbid, her mother.

“I’ll have plenty of time to meet your son. Today is between you… and your son.”

And just like that, she felt a little piece of her heart break.

************

Isobel was waiting for Jamie at the maternity reception. Greeting him with a warm hug whilst managing to avoid the large hamper and flowers he carried, she beamed with happiness. “Jamie, he’s beautiful, just you wait and see. And Geneva did so well too, she really surprised me. Anyway, come and see for yourself.”

Jamie followed Isobel through the hospital corridors, just another father excitedly heading to see his child, and much less excitedly, that child’s mother.

He stood for a moment at the door of the private room Geneva was in. She was sitting on top of the bed covers, chatting animatedly to her mother. Unsurprisingly, Geneva’s face looked weary, but fully made up.

When she spotted them, Louisa Dunsany rose from her chair and made her way to Jamie and Isobel. She caught Jamie’s arm momentarily, preventing him from entering the room and spoke in a whisper.

“Geneva’s been magnificent. Look at her, I mean really look at her and think about what she’s done for you… and how you should repay her for it.” In a louder voice, she added: “Come on Isobel, let’s go and find a cup of tea that’s half decent… I don’t know what some of the staff here have been making but it certainly isn’t tea.”

Jamie barely registered the comments. His eyes were fixed on the little Perspex crib by the side of the bed. As Isobel and her mother left in search of a proper cup of tea, he rushed into the room, depositing the hamper and flowers carelessly on the table, desperate for the first glimpse of his son.

He gazed down at the baby lying asleep in the crib. He had seen newborns before, but this one was more beautiful, more perfect than any other. He reached out a finger and stroked the red down on his head, running it around the shell-like ear and on to a tiny fist, practically hidden in the sleeve of a white babygro, too big for the newborn boy. The baby let out a tiny half-cry then settled back into the regular pattern of breathing.

“I hope your hands are clean.”

Staring at his son, Jamie had forgotten the presence of Geneva.

“Aye,” he responded. “I used the hand gel on the way in. Can I hold him? Let me take a couple o’ photos first.”

Geneva nodded. Having taken multiple snaps of the baby, Jamie carefully picked him up, head nestled in one large hand, bottom in the other. He sat down as the baby lazily opened his eyes to stare at his father for a few seconds. Approval having been given, the baby yawned and resumed his nap. Jamie shifted him in his arms, bringing him close to his chest.

“Geneva, he’s beautiful. Thank ye, thank ye. I dinna ken what else tae say. God, he is just sae.. .sae… beautiful… jes’ amazin’. Can ye take a picture of us, me and him on ma phone, please? I want tae have a memory of this moment.”

Geneva obligingly took Jamie’s phone.

“How are ye feeling? I bought ye some flowers, by the way, and the hamper is a gift fer the two o’ ye,” Jamie continued.

“I’m tired and sore and achy. I don’t think I can stand upright. I’m still feeling nauseous from the pain relief. I need a long bath. My breasts are painful and I am forced to wear an industrial strength bra. But, he is lovely isn’t he? Sweet William…”

“William? Ye’ve decided on a name, without discussing it wi’ me?”

“William, it’s a family name. William Dunsany, it’s something Mummy wanted, well, we all wanted.”

“It’s a fine name, but could ye no’ have spoken tae me about it? What about middle names? I ken his surname is Dunsany, but could we mebbe include Fraser as one of his names?” Jamie tried to keep his patience and focus on what really mattered - his son, here in his arms.

“I’ve not decided yet. It depends.”

“Aye? On what?”

Geneva remained silent. Jamie, focusing only on his son, did not question the lack of response.

“Weel, we need tae decide afore we register his birth. We have three weeks tae do that, and I have tae come wi’ ye, ye ken. Then we can start tae make plans.”

“Plans, what sort of plans?”

The hopeful tone in Geneva’s voice made Jamie finally tear his eyes away from his son and look at her. She was staring intently at the two of them, father and son.

“Plans for how we share lookin’ after this bairn, when he’s a bit bigger and can stay wi’ me overnight. And how much child support I’ll give ye. We’ve been decorating a spare bedroom as a nursery for Wee Willie…”

“His name is William, not Willie.” Geneva interrupted harshly.

William began to stir, turning his face into Jamie’s chest, rooting for milk.

“Och, Lad. I’m yer Da, there’s nothing there fer ye. Let me pass ye tae yer Mam.”

Reluctantly, Jamie passed William over to Geneva as she unbuttoned her shirt. He turned his head away, for Geneva’s sake, as she guided the baby to latch on, turning back once he heard the rhythmic sucking sound.

“I’m glad ye’re tryin’ the breast feedin’.” He smiled encouragingly. “Jenny says it’s no’ always easy, mind.”

“Hmm, spare me the details from Saint Jenny, please. I’ve been told, it’s very good for helping lose the baby weight. And also, do not refer to me as ‘Mam.’ If you’re talking about me, please say Mummy.”

“I’ll try tae remember.”

Having managed to find an acceptable cup of tea, Louisa popped her head around the doorframe.

“Everything alright?” she asked her daughter, who gave a tight smile and a small head shake in response.

Louisa immediately came bustling into the room, settling herself on the bed next to Geneva. “Well, I think it’s time we started to get sorted. Doctor will be round in a minute and then we can get off home. Jamie, I expect you’ve got lots of things to think about at home too.”

Jamie recognised the tone of dismissal in her voice. Regretfully, he bent to kiss William a final time.

“Once again, Geneva, thank ye, he is the bonniest bairn I’ve ever seen. Can I come ‘round tomorrow and see him again? I’ll give ye a call first. Oh, and can we arrange a time when Da and Jenny can meet wi’ him? Mebbe bring him round to ma house, if that’s easier. I ken it’ll take a while tae adjust. Goodbye, Louisa, Isobel.”

************

Once Jamie left, Claire needed something to occupy her mind, to save her from dwelling on what was happening at the hospital.  

Wandering around the house, she searched for something to do that would engage her fully. As she washed the coffee cups, she decided that she would prepare dinner, add a couple of recipes to her somewhat meagre repertoire.  

A quick search of the internet and she found a couple of recipes that seemed simple enough- chicken cacciatore and an apple and cinnamon crumble. Grabbing her coat, she hesitated for a moment. Did this make her seem like she was somehow competing for Jamie, proving she had value as a partner? She let the thoughts cross her mind, but quickly decided not to over-analyse her actions and headed to the shops.

**********

Jamie opened the front door to be greeted by a tantalising smell of casserole, apples and cinnamon. He sniffed appreciatively, his stomach suddenly remembering that he had not yet eaten today, excitement having overridden the usual hunger pangs.

“Sassenach…” he called out as he walked into the living room.

Claire greeted him with a huge hug.

“How is he?”

Jamie disentangled himself from Claire’s arms and, grinning, delved in his pocket for his phone. He quickly flicked to the photos, first of the baby in his crib and then in his arms.

“He is the bonniest bairn ye ever saw. Christ, I tell ye, the sight of him and ma insides turned to jelly. And the little noises and snuffles he was makin’... he looked at me, he kens his Da already. And look...”

Jamie pulled a small photo out of his wallet. “See, this is me as a baby. We could be twins. His name may be Dunsany, but nae doubt he’s a Fraser.”

Claire studied the pictures. She could see the obvious look of joy on Jamie’s face as he held his son. As happy as she was for Jamie, she suddenly felt like crying. Why was she suddenly feeling so sad? Would Jamie’s love for the baby make him reconsider their relationship? And how terrible a person must she be to have these thoughts, to doubt Jamie?

“He is beautiful. And how is Geneva?” Claire tried to keep her voice level.

“Geneva is as she ever was. Havin’ a bairn has no’ improved her personality. But Isobel said she was verra good durin’ the birth, and she is tryin’ tae breastfeed William.”

“So you’ve decided on a name then?”

“Weel,” Jamie admitted. “I had no say in that. She had already decided. I’m hopin’ tae include Fraser as a middle name, but she’s no’ decided on that yet.”

“I canna wait fer ye to meet him, Sassenach…” Jamie continued. “But I havena mentioned that tae Geneva jes’ yet. I dinna ken how she’ll react. I have said that I want Da and Jenny tae meet the bairn. And ye will soon, I promise.”

Claire forced a smile. “I know. Do you want some food?”

“Aye, I havena eaten today. The food smells grand. Who made it?”

“Me,” Claire said proudly. “All by myself, from scratch. Chicken Cacciatore and apple crumble.”

Jamie drew Claire close to him, her cheek pressed against his chest, his chin resting on the top of her head. “Thank ye, Sassenach.”

“It's only dinner…”

“Nah, it’s no’ the food. Thank ye for everything… fer today, fer lettin’ me blather on about the bairn, fer yer patience, fer still bein’ here, fer lovin’ me. Today will have been difficult fer ye, I ken. And ye dinna complain..ever.”

He kissed the top of her head and squeezed her tighter. “We'll work it out, together, Claire. It'll all sort out.”

[brianmayswifey]

Request: Could you do a oneshot where the female reader and Brian are visiting Brian's parents and Bri's mother is showing the reader embarrassing pictures of baby Brian and he gets all shy and blushes like mad? Thanks in advance ♥

UHMMM THIS IS SOOO CUTE! Maybe this story is not as good as you’re expecting because I’m not that good at writing fluff but I really tried hard! It took long becaaaussee I wasn’t in the mood for writing for days but here it is!

Warnings: kinda sad in the end, fluff

“We’ll be there in an hour.”, Brian told his mother on the phone. He was nodding while smiling, very excited of what’s about to happen tonight. “Okay, Mum. I love you too.”, he put the telephone back down and walked fast towards you.

“They’re excited, love! I told you not to worry about it.”, he says, running his warm hand on your neck down to your shoulder. He looked at you from head to toe and his smile grew wider. “Look at you! You look wonderful, you’re amazing!” He kissed you gently on your temple. You gave him a fake smile. “What if they don’t?”

Brian frowned a bit. “They’ll love you as much as I do. You look absolutely stunning, darling. And not just that! You have a beautiful heart too. I know they’ll see that too. You’re not just gorgeous. You’re perfect, baby.” He smiles at you as he fixed your dress’s neckline, which was a bit revealing. “These are mine, I don’t want anyone looking at it.”, he chuckled as he was pulling it upwards. You giggled, “I’m sorry it was the nicest dress I could find.” He smiled at you. “Remember baby, you’re absolutely amazing and they’ll love you.”, you nodded and smiled at him. He leaned down to kiss you on your lips. You rested your arms on his shoulder, around his neck and his hands were down your waist. “I love you, Y/N.”, he whispered into your mouth. His breath smelled like mint. You smiled before replying, “I love you too, Brian.”

You looked at the mirror once more before spraying on the perfume Brian gave you as a gift on your second month as a couple. It smelled like candy, something sweet, which Brian believes matches your personality. You turned to your boyfriend who looked very handsome in his white button down shirt and black pants and of course, his favourite pair of clogs. His curls are very majestic which adds to his attractive face. He had a perfect face structure and breathtaking facial features that makes you want to stare even longer and it automatically melts your heart. “You ready?”, he asks grabbing your bag and handing it to you. You nodded while smiling. The way he assured you and talked to you earlier had boosted your confidence a lot.

——————

“You know, I find it really cute that we’re both wearing white, Y/N.” He glanced at you quickly and put his hand on yours while the other one was on the steering wheel. He gotta make sure his girlfriend is safe. The warmth of his hands reminded you of how loving he is as a boyfriend. You are just almost five months together yet it feels like forever. It feels like you were already married by the way he showed you his love. You fully trust each other not just because you met four years ago but because of the way Brian makes you feel that you make his life a lot better and the way you make him feel that he’s the only man that makes you happy and confident.

You looked outside through the window and you remembered once again that you’re going to meet his parents for the first time. The nervousness, anxiety, and fear kicked in again. You kept worrying that they would hate you or something. That they might think you are not enough. The thoughts were bothering you so much that you didn’t hear what Brian was telling you.

“Love? Are you okay?”, he asks. You hear him now as he distracted you from overthinking. “Oh- oh yes, love. What were you saying?”, you stuttered as you replied. “I said we’ll go to Freddie, Roger, and Deaky’s flats first because Mum would love to see them too.”, he smiled as you nodded, mouth agape, obviously out of your mind. “Honestly, you okay?”, he asked once again for confirmation. “You look tensed.”, he continued. You didn’t respond nor look at him. “Babe, I told you you are an amazing woman and they’ll love you. There’s nothing to be worried about. I told them stories about how you take care of me when you visit my flat. And they smile when they see my face light up.”, you felt your confidence boost up again as he said that. There was concern on his face but you don’t like seeing it so you held his hand tighter and replied. “I’ll try my best to calm myself, love.” He took your hand and kissed it.

As you picked up the boys, the trip started to become kinda noisy. Roger was teasing you for being too nervous while the three were trying to make you feel better.

——————

As you got to the May’s house, your heart started to beat faster. You tried to catch some breath while Freddie was tapping on your shoulder, trying to calm you down. “Darling, they are amazing and welcoming parents. Don’t be so scared.”, Freddie smiled at you. The boys got out of the car first while you and Brian stayed so he can talk to you for a minute. “You can do this, my love. Okay? Remember what I and Freddie said.”, he said as he held you by your cheeks. You nodded and held his hand tightly. He gave you a gentle kiss on your nose.

“I’m so excited!”, Brian said as the five of you were walking towards the house. Brian knocked and in just about ten seconds, the door opened. It was Mrs. May. She looks a lot like Brian. She looks beautiful. She immediately hugged Brian. “I missed you!”, she exclaimed. She looked at you with widened eyes. You were so nervous waiting for her to speak. “You must be Y/N!”, she smiled and opened her arms wide, inviting you for a hug. “You look absolutely pretty! Brian has good taste.” Brian looked at you with ‘I told you’ eyes. “You too, Mrs. May!”, you responded with a smile.

She gave the boys hugs. “Ah Roger, looking great as usual!”, you see Roger’s cheeks turn pink. “And Freddie and John! I missed you!”. After all those welcoming talks on the door, she finally let you in. You saw Brian’s dad by the dining table, placing all the meals and plates on there. As you see him, you notice how Brian is a mixture of his parent’s appearance. The face shape and height was from his dad and the beauty from his mum. Mr. May quickly walks towards all of you and gave Brian a hug. “Dad, Y/N, my girlfriend.”, he says proudly. You gave him a smile.

Mr. May looks at you with glistening eyes. “How beautiful you are!”, he gave you a warm hug. He turned to Brian and joked, “You inherited great taste from your mother. Ruth chose a great partner like you did.” Mrs. May hit him with her elbows. You all, chuckled. He also greeted the three boys.

They invited you to sit on the dining table. The meals looks absolutely delicious. Brian sat next to you, his parents in front of you, and Roger, Freddie, and John at either sides of the table. You all got foods for yourself and Brian spoke. “So, Y/N, this is dad and this is mum. I told you my parents’ names already and you can call them Harold and Ruth...or Dad and Mum if you’d like.”, his parents smiled and his dad responded. “Yes, you’re a part of our family now. I want you to call us ‘Dad’ and Ruth, ‘Mum’”, you nodded.

You shared stories with each other and how you two met. You can see excitement and happiness in Brian’s face as he talks about you. How sweet! Everyone was laughing at the ‘Dad jokes’ when Mrs. May stood up and went to a room, which you suppose is the living room. She came back with a thick blue book in her hands. You watched her as she opened it and giggled to herself. She pulled a picture out and handed it to you. Before you could reach her hand, Brian swatted yours. “Mum! Don’t.”, Mrs. May laughed and slapped Brian’s hand away. You looked at it and saw Brian, his young self, probably the age of thirteen, sitting at the side of a pool in his swimming brief. You and Brian looked at each other. His face was red and he was embarrassed. You bursted into a laugh which made him smile. Mrs. May handed you the whole photo album while the boys were looking at the photo she handed you earlier. “Cute, right?”, Mrs. May smiled.

And there was another one where the whole family was at the beach. Brian looked like he’s a girl though. “He was two years old that time.”, Mr. May said. You literally cannot stop smiling that your cheekbones already hurt and kind of feels numb. He was pouting his lips the whole time you all are looking at his pictures while his mum was telling stories.

You could see Brian just poking his food with the fork and not eating them. He had lost his appetite out of shame. “Mum, this is embarrassing!”, he finally spoke. “There’s nothing wrong with them, baby.”, you caressed his cheek. A few minutes later, he stood and walked away from everyone without them noticing because of how much fun they were having. At first you thought you shouldn’t follow him because it would seem rude but you felt concern. “Excuse me, would you mind me checking him for a second?” They said it was okay.

You went upstairs and looked for him. You saw a door to a room with Brian’s name written and hanging on it. You knocked. “Bri? This is Y/N.” You heard his heavy footsteps across the room towards the door. He looked down at you, his lips still pouting. He let you in and you sat on his bed. “You okay?”, you asked while rubbing his back. He didn’t respond. “Why would you think it’s embarrassing? I find them cute.”

He looked at you with sadness in his eyes. “I- I just feel embarrassed that my childhood was not as great as you had. You know, I felt sad when taking those pictures. Having no siblings to share happiness with sucks. I felt so alone and it’s not just because I look ugly on the pictures”, you interrupted, “you look cute there.” He just looked at you and continued. “But also because it doesn’t have much value...I mean my life then wasn’t that great because I had no one to share my adventures with. I have no one who can understand me by the time. Those pictures makes me remember how sad being alone is. And I don’t like seeing them anymore— or letting other people see them. Because you’re all with a huge family. Tim is your brother, Fred, Roger, and Deaky have siblings. You were all laughing at my pictures but you don’t know what was deep inside those smiles.” You felt guilt after hearing those words. You held him by his chin.

“I’m sorry, baby. I-I didn’t know you felt that way.”, he placed his hand on your cheek. “No, it’s okay, my love.” He answered and looked into your eyes. “You’re not alone, Brian. You don’t have to be alone. I’m here with you. I’ll forever be by your side. I will make you happy every second of your life. I’m your best friend. I love you.”, you assured him, making him smile. “Thank you, Y/N. I’ll do the same. I love you so much.”

You invited him to come back downstairs. As you sat down, Brian smiled at everyone, gesturing that he’s okay. Roger whispered at Brian, “I thought you were doing something illegal upstairs.” They both laughed. Brian looked at you and smiled. You placed your hand on his thigh, making him feel loved and feel comfort. He kissed you on your forehead and whispered, “I love you.”

[cards-onthetable]

A little justified complaining to go with your morning coffee

A summary of my thoughts on last week: WHY DOES ANTHONY EVEN EXIST? LET ERIN BE A LAWYER RATHER THAN USING ANTHONY TO TURN ALL HER POTENTIAL LAWYER STORYLINES INTO DETECTIVE STORYLINES.

A not-summary of my thoughts on last night’s episode:

Erin:

Erin prosecuting a doctor who “killed” his own child trying to cure her of a life-threatening disease? 👀👀👀 I’m listening don’t fuck this up.

This scene with the victim’s mom exists, I don’t care about it.

ERIN IS SO RUDE. In what world is it okay for a ~respected professional~ such as herself to make demands of a fellow professional whose service she relies on, and then get frustrated at a totally reasonable answer and storm out? God no wonder Eddie acts like a damn first-day-on-the-job rookie when she walks into Erin’s office. This poor medical examiner lady, ugh.

This is pretty interesting actually. And I have some Opinions about this euthanasia topic but I’ll keep them to myself. But this is a decently interesting ~what’s in the news~ adaption for this show.

Frank:

Who’s this Lenny dude? I vaguely remember him from somewhere but meh, as usual I don’t care about this.

“He can be charged in the court of public opinion!”

“Sometimes we’re blindest to those who’re closest to us”

Spare me all this Sage Wise Wisdom from these lame ass old white dudes yo.

This is going to turn into YET ANOTHER example of Frank getting caught between a rock and a hard place, and coming up with some brilliant solution that keeps everyone reasonably happy (JUST LIKE LAST WEEK’S EPISODE, THERE’S MY OTHER COMMENTARY ON THAT). Snore.

I’m sad Lenny isn’t wearing a bolo tie with his suede blazer.

Danny:

This dead chick has a hella cool tattoo (and a hella cool apartment how do I afford a place like that?)

Is this the same medical examiner who made me all 👀👀👀 last time she showed up? Ugh what happened to those cool vibes? Apparently she’s had one too many drinks with Frank and the Sage Wise Wisdom crew or something because snoooore.

On a serious note, this shit about drugs laced with fentanyl is legit and scary. Last year an old friend of mine OD’d on what he thought was Xanax, but contained 4 times the lethal dose of fentanyl per pill. Be careful yo.

So someone killed this artist with the cool math tattoo to up the value of her art? I’M ACTUALLY INTRIGUED. 👀

“Do yOu hAvE aLmOnD MiLk?” LOL LOOK AT THIS SILLY MILLENIAL HIPPIE ARTIST! 🙄🙄🙄😂

I enjoyed this interrogation scene actually. It’s refreshing to see Danny use ~brains~ to get the info he needs rather than storming around everywhere roughing people up.

Jamko:

Y’all in this opening scene we just got more information about Maya than we’ve ever gotten about Eddie.

A cop taking money from crime scenes? Maya telling the dude to get the hell in the car while Eddie hangs back, a Thoughtful Look on her face? LOLOLOL don’t tell me this is how the show is about to get rid of Maya rather than revealing Jamko’s engagement.

LOLOL I was happy about this normal, casual, not-gross Jamko scene in Jamie’s office UNTIL Jamie said incredulously “you think there’s a dirty cop in the precinct, and you and I haven’t noticed?” YOU’RE NOT SOME ALL KNOWING MASTER OF COPS, YO. Did it ever occur to you that maybe a dirty cop would be careful, cover their tracks, and have the training to pull off such an operation successfully without drawing any suspicion from other cops? He’s so damn prideful and ridiculous it hurts (and lol gives me some Insight as to how/why they haven’t disclosed their relationship yet).

“So we’re just going to let this go?” “No, we’re going to leave this to IAB, LiKe wE’Re SuPpOsEd tO” ugh Jamie you’re so gross. Y’all we KNOW if Jamie had been the one to come across this information from some random collar, he’d be Personally Investigating regardless of protocol and The Rules, So this is a cool fun double standard.

MAYA HAS MOTIVE YALL. 😂😭

Don’t tell me Eddie’s about to turn around during this crime scene walkthrough and see Maya shoving cash and diamond rings into her pockets. RICH.

Okay, so Jamie saw her on a mysterious surveillance camera? I WAS CLOSE.

This is 100% an excuse to get Maya off the show rather than try to deal realistically with whatever ~fallout~ would happen between her and Eddie whenever Maya finally found out her partner is shacking up with the boss. YOU WON’T CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE. This dumbass show y’all.

Jamie’s being awfully brash, bringing up “Maya’s partner” to an IAB suit who supposedly has no idea the commissioner’s son was dumb enough to propose to said partner at a putt-putt golf course at 10am on a Sunday.

DID YOU GUYS CATCH HOW JAMIE JUST STRAIGHT UP LIED TO EDDIE? THIS IS EXAMPLE A OF WHY I HATE THIS ENTIRE ARRANGEMENT. It is to be expected that a boss would be privy to confidential information that can’t be shared with subordinates. It is to be expected that the boss would dodge/ignore questions about said information when the topic comes up. IT IS NOT EXPECTED THAT A DUDE WOULD LIE STRAIGHT TO HIS FIANCEE’S FACE because of his position knowing information he can’t share with her. I’m sorry, but what’s appropriate between a boss and subordinate, and what’s appropriate between two adults in a loving, trusting relationship are two different things. When those lines get blurred you can’t reasonably expect them to KeEp WoRk aNd hOmE SePaRaTe and objectively refuse to allow ~work conflicts~ to affect their home life and vice versa. UGH UGH UGH.

Um, Sarge, is it Normal to humiliate this poor officer by having her hauled away from roll call? ALSO SHE’S YOUR FIANCEE’S PARTNER and I presume they like each other or at east don’t want to kill each other, so I’m sure Eddie will be super happy with you for this little stunt.

OH HERE WE GO, BACKLASH! 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

AYE YALL WHAT DID I SAYYYY? This whole work/home situation is NOT SUSTAINABLE and I don’t know why I’m still having to remind people of this.

How long have I wanted to hear Jamie say “I’m sorry” and “Eddie, you did the right thing”? A LONG TIME BUT NOT IN THIS SELF-RIGHTEOUS CONTEXT OR TONE OF VOICE, I AM DISSATISFIED, DO IT AGAIN.

Family dinner:

Jamie looks good in this color sweater. BUT ALL IS NOT FORGIVEN.

Eddie punching him in the arm is a little cute BUT ALL IS NOT FORGIVEN. EDDIE, GIRL, YOU’VE GOTTA DO SOMETHING TO CHANGE YOUR WHOLE SITUATION BECAUSE 5 MINUTES AGO YOU WERE FIGHTING OVER WORK RELATED BS, AND that’s not the kind of thing that’ll just go away if you keep up this work arrangement.

Gross @ Eddie all “maybe I could’ve done something, maybe I missed the red flags, ~this is somehow partially my fault~...” Sister you’ve got to take a lesson from your idiot fiancé and give yourself a whole lot more credit, which in your case, unlike his, will be deserved.

IN SUMMARY: This Jamko situation is driving me nuts and something needs to change in a big way. But I don’t have high hopes for that to happen. Also this was a thinly veiled scheme to get Maya off the show rather than let her find out about this Secret Relationship that should not still be a secret at all. YAY BLUE BLOODS! I hate it.

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 31.10.18 lb

lmao om's kinda had enough of rudra. he's just holding his tongue for the sake of peace.

i recognize this face coz it's mine, every time i have to deal with my own jaahil family people.

lo ji, bade bhaiyya has already fixed the deal.

oh ho. sign kar. and that’s not a request.

i'm just so struck by how much like his father rudra's acting. like pakka tej ka beta hai yeh.

ooooooooooooooooooh cut-throat shivaay says sign or everyone will know what a fuck up you are.

i am lovinggggggg om's passive reaction, taking neither side, just waiting to see how it all plays out. smart bwoy.

“bhaiyya bol.”

om's tinyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy nod in agreement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! askdljalsjdk i love him.

lol kaise chaaku ki nok pe bhaiyya bulwa raha hai.

“... warna?” “warna company ke losses ke reports leak ho jayenge.” DAYUMMMMMMMM SHARK SINGH OBEROI IS BAAAAAACK.

“FINE. BHAIYYA.”

aah man. dil par lagi.

lol rudra's throwing om under the bus too. kar di na chote bhai waali harkat.

om's like bitch don't drag me into this, your dumb ass doesn't listen. all you care about is fucking with shivaay.

‘..... is that not what i was supposed to do?’

lol shivaay piling on with blaming him for that dumbass press conference. i'm loving it.

baby ki kursi bhi cheen li. haaaye.

lol the way om is practically falling over himself to sign. he’s had enough of this fuckery and just wants to go back to being a mostly silent-partner asap.

dominance asserted. fall in line punks, BHAIYYA’S BACK.

daaaaaaaaamn that shark smile. fuck me, i love it.

but rudra's gonna get him back for this. i know it already.

i really love how they frame these shots, with rudra against shivKara (who are still distant from each other, but on the same side.)

anika's sent a wholeass picnic basket.

of course he didn't eat.

aur ab phone kaate jaa raha hai. god shivaay you know she’ll come marching down here.

lmaoooooooooooooooo om's wordless acknowledgement and doing the bidding of bhaabi.

ugh her and her suhaagan bhaashan.

saamaan pack kar liya. good. just go somewhere. anywhere. he'll come find you when his dumb ass realizes. just go to the mountains and do vipaasana or some shit for a while and center yourself. lord knows you deserve it.

great, she's threatening gaadi kudaao-ing from pahaadi. shouldn't have taught her that move, shivaay.

“ab isse kya hua???”

lol i lose it every time rudra asks this when shivaay has one of his “dauras”.

ouffffffffff stop screamingggggggg. in front of everyoneeeeeee.

gauri idk why you're letting him run his mouth like this. fucking body slam him, jiju status be damned.

the building he was supp to visit collapsed. uss mein bhi taaqat nahi thi shivaay aur uske chutiyaape ko jhelne ki, toh pre-emptively hi gir gaya.

lol om's given up allllllllllllllllll pretense of not caring about shivaay/anika’s wellbeing. he’s not effusive as he used to be, but it’s apparent he still cares a lot and holds them in respect as per their position.

and rudra is NOT happy about that.

ouff ab gauri ki mooh khul rahi hai, to give gyaan on karwa chauth ki shakti.

you fucking dumbass.

bhavya ne bhi apne 2 paise daalne hain. ouff enough.

lmao sajjjj dhajjjjjj ke nikal rahi hai behen.

le poori family involve ho gayi.

lol i gotta say i realllllllly relate to rudra while watching in dono ki never-ending bakchodi.

om's had enough of playing on the wrong side. he's like my superpowers are being forever fair and just and i musttttttttttt speak up for bhaabi.

shivaay's o rly bitch? where was all this when you wouldn't let gauri and anika meet?

‘damn you didn’t have to go in on me like that tho.’

oh ho anika's turn to be tyaag ki murat. ouff.

godddddddddddddd we all know she's not gonna go.

gauri pls, itne izzat se kyun baat kar rahi hai is manhoos se.

gotta say she’s taking it pretty calmly that this dude is being a fucking jackass and just asked her sister to gtfo for no good reason. guess she has as much confidence in anika’s amaze pati-vrataa-ness as anika herself.

aaah man.

yuck wtf even is this, om; did you buy it off the barbie collection?

but she likes it so........ good job i guess.

ugh i loooooooooove.

rudra does seem to have his moments, i guess. i still wanna give you two three laafas, but aaj ke din side pe rakh deti hoon.

these two still winning though.

marr. guilt se marrrrrrrrrrr, saale.

“aap mere kehne par ghar aa gaye, usse bada gift kya ho sakta hai?”

ugh pls anika. that gift has no aesthetic/resale value.

but good move to fuck him up.

“chand nikal gaya par ab tak anika mujhe bulaane kyun nahi aayi?”

bitch tujhe itni fikar hai toh tu jaaake dhoond na.

oh footsteps.

lololol fucking idiot.

it was bhavya who’s come to call him.

bollywood really needs to make more karwachauth songs coz i am fucking sick of just this one song being used for 20+ years.

aw man i'm glad rikara finally got their perfect karwachauth.

aaaaah fuck my heart. shivaay i wanna stomp on you i swear.

LMAO THE TERRIBLE CGI THO.

“kuch khaaya tumne?”

“khaaya. aapki daant.”

lmaoooooooooooo she's twisting in the knife some more. good.

yes. feed the cranky baby. half his issues are coz his ass is hangry.

yes, emotionally blackmail him back ma. normally i don't advocate for this kinda fuckery par aaj ke din he deserves it.

time for her to faint no? it's not karwachauth for shivika unless one of them is slipping into the oblivion.

yup right on schedule.

waaah kya acting.

dil diyaan gallaan again? ek hi gaana kitni baar karoge ek hi couple pe.

it's taking him allllll there is to him to not hug her to himself. he made that tiny movement and then kinda controlled himself.

lmao.

of course she can't keep from gloating.

lol he's so done.

ugh auraton ki sehan shakti waali bakchodi. hatt yahaan se.

yeah same, i have the exact same face.

ok itnaaaaaaaaaaa bhi excite hone ki zaroorat nahi hai.

le, karwachauth ke din par bhi is manhoos ne divorce papers de diye. BIRTHDAY PE DIVORCE PAPERS, KC PE DIVORCE PAPERS; BITCH PICK SOMETHING OFF HER AMAZON WISHLIST IF YOU’RE SO DAMN CLUELESS ON WHAT TO GIVE HER. FUCKING ASSHOLE.

[belladonnafaye-blog]

Girlfriends rank from best to worst according to Zodiac

1. Sagittarius

While Sags might be their own worst enemy and toughest critic as a girlfriend they will never put you down the way they do themselves. They lift others up and help you to see your full potential. They are selfless and think about others first always. This often leads to neglecting their own feelings and needs which might lead to conflict in the relationship. Trust is huge for them once you gain their trust you have their loyalty forever. They love hard and don’t hold back if you find yourself in the eye of their affection you’ll get their whole heart. They think deeply about everyone and everything and how their actions affect others. You’ll fall for how much they care for others and everything they do to show their appreciation. Sags are guarded AF but once you break through their walls you have a piece of their heart forever.

2. Pisces

At first, they come across as super shy. They’ll push you away initially but you’ll find something intriguing about it. You’ll realize once they let you in, that the best people are a little guarded. Out of all the signs, they are the one you can trust most. As a girlfriend, they will be your number one support system and always be in your corner. Pisces are super good at reading people, they’ll watch you closely picking up on body language. They have a way of really getting to know people by more than just the things you say but rather the things you don’t. They pick up on vibes and can tell when you are off even if you’re great at faking it, they’ll know and they’ll do anything to try and fix it. Out of all the signs, Pisces are the most sensitive, so what that means is they’ll never come across as malicious or meaning to hurt you. If they do mess up they will be the first to apologize and try and make it right. Their relationships are ones in which they don’t fight much because they don’t believe in it.

3. Capricorn

They are natural born perfectionists. So when it comes to relationships they will always try their absolute best and give their fullest. Capricorns will always be the dominant ones in a relationship. In a relationship, they will always defend you and have your back against any and everyone if they have to. The people they love are the ones who matter most. Capricorns are a little harder to read because they are good at hiding how they feel that strength is an admirable quality but sometimes they’ll need you just to rely on. They have an unbelievably guarded heart so if you do win it over consider yourself someone very rare.

4. Libra

Libras are the kindest of all zodiacs. In relationships they try to avoid conflict but avoiding talking about problems only makes them worse when they do come to a head. They always strive to be positive and happy but when someone hurts them they feel it very deeply. They are the giver in a relationship and always fail to put their needs first. So they won’t ever ask you for things they want. One of the most popular signs, in a relationship they’ll always be social including you in everything. It’s up to you to not let their spotlight make you feel less. Relationships end with Libras due to jealousy they don’t even understand because their charismatic nature is something that comes naturally to them. As their partner, you gotta keep them on a long leash and not be the jealous type. Their flaws include a temper that comes out very rarely but when it does it’s ugly and they say things they regret.

5. Gemini

Geminis have two very different sides to them. Half the time they are fun and outgoing. The other half of the time they are dark and negative. In a relationship they always try to hide the side to them they don’t like but it’s something you’ll have to learn to accept and love too even if they can’t. With that being said they will accept every part to who you are. While Geminis do make the top five on the list this has to do with loyalty and the trust they value in another. But once you cross them they can cut you off and not think twice about it. Second chances to them are few and far between. Once they see someone’s true colors that is it for them. They love hard and feel pain even deeper. But they will never show you when they are down.

6. Aquarius

Ranking in at number 6. They don’t make the all time best girlfriend but they don’t make the worst either. They are usually the weirdest out of all signs. But weird isn’t always a bad thing. They shy away from relationships a lot of the time because they need their independence but if you can get one to commit to you, you have a loyalty that will last a lifetime. Of their better qualities is they look at your flaws at something to be admired. But they look at their own as something to hate. Teaching an Aquarius to love themselves is the hardest part of dating one. They might love you with everything they have but they will never channel that into themselves. Their insecurities you’ll realize early on but if you can love them through the process of them learning to love themselves it can be a strong relationship. They overthink more than any other sign, so you’ll have to hear out their scenario they make up which can grow frustrating to you as someone who dates them. The key to them is patience.

7. Leo

Leos are hopeless romantics with expectations that aren’t realistic sometimes. While they’ll do anything for the person they love, they find themselves attracted to people who don’t meet them halfway. They grow a bit frustrated giving everything they have to someone who doesn’t and that’s what causes the most fights with Leo’s in relationships. While high expectations are good. Unrealistic expectations lead to them getting hurt. They always have a nag for choosing the wrong people and gravitate towards a certain type and no matter how much they get hurt they don’t change. They never take their friend’s advice when it comes to love and they continue to run in these circles. It isn’t that they make a bad girlfriend but they choose the wrong people who don’t want to commit.

8. Cancer

While Cancers do have a heart of gold, wearing their heart on their sleeve as much as they have, has only led to them getting hurt. They don’t make bad girlfriends, they’d make one of the best if they didn’t push people away as much as they do. They don’t trust anyone but themselves so relationships are difficult for them. They want to love as much as they fear it and they often get in their own way of what could be a healthy relationship. They second guess themselves a lot and have trouble making decisions. The truth is they care even if they pretend they don’t and come across as harsh.

9. Taurus

Out of any sign Taurus are the toughest to get in a relationship with. They want no part of it. And it isn’t that they lead people on or like stringing someone along. They just have their own life and are happy with it. Out of any sign, they break hearts the worst. They do everything at their own pace you pressure them and they take off running. They have a cold heart, once a relationship ends, always their call you never get a second chance. They don’t believe in running in circles with people or games. Why play games when they are the ones making the rules? They are painfully independent so if you can get their heart consider yourself a rare breed.

10. Aries

In a relationship, Aries rush really quickly into things. That can be a little intimidating for someone they date. They like to take control of any and all situations which are hard for a lot of guys sometimes. Their strong personality might be what attracted someone to them but it can also be a turn off when it’s too much. They need someone who is opposite of them. Aries will always be the dominate one making calls in a relationship so you’d have to be okay with something like that. They have a tough exterior and a bad temper but once you do get to know them you’ll see they are sensitive. They come across cold AF and have an acid tongue. So when you fight not only will you lose but they will probably say something that hurts.

11. Virgo

Virgos are the most critical of all signs. This makes relationships hard because they never think they are good enough for the person they are interested in. They are painfully insecure and jealous which leads to a lot of relationships ending. They are perfectionists so when they fail at anything you’ll see them fall apart and beat themselves up. It’s hard to watch anyone you care about self-destructing like that. More than that it becomes a tiring act to try and convince a Virgo woman to see herself through your eyes when no matter what you say she counters it with negativity. Not only are they critical of themselves you’ll see them lash out at you and pick you apart sometimes. It’s hard to be with someone who not only doesn’t love themselves but makes you feel like they don’t love you either.

12. Scorpio

Scorpio woman is the scariest of all signs. They run shit and control any and all relationships they are a part of. They come across as cold and heartless. They are also painfully blunt so if you want to engage in a relationship with them you gotta have thick skin because they will tell you everything like it is and not hold back. They aren’t mean. They are honest and don’t hold back. They are ruthless when it comes to crossing them. Mess up even once and you’re dead to them. They hold their relationships standards very high which make a partner feel like they have to walk on eggshells sometimes. Often described as the storm of all zodiacs there is no way to really predict them, so you can either be on their side and safe or their completely destroy you if you’re in their way. Out of all signs, they are the toughest to get to fall in love with. But once that happens you have them forever.

[hydesbride]

TOP TEN BUFFY SUMMERS SCENES ON BTVS (I know there's obviously more than ten so don't feel bad about only *listing* ten. ;)

Oh I love this! Buffy is my favorite character OF ALL TIME, so naturally I could list most of her scenes, but I managed to narrow it down to 10…plus 5! Okay I am just that pathetic that I needed 15…and a few honorable mentions. I’m sorry! I will just put them in chronological order, because ranking them would probably kill me!

1. Prophecy Girl - Buffy’s speech to Giles “Giles. I’m sixteen years old. I don’t want to die.” We had seen Buffy grapple with the balance of being a teenager and being The Slayer, but up until this point, it hadn’t been driven home completely. This scene broke it all open. It put in perspective just how young this girl is and how she was forced to give up her childhood and now, her LIFE. An extension to this scene is the way she marches off to face The Master, despite knowing she will die and then the bad ass bantering way in which she defeats him. “You’ve got fruit punch mouth.” “I may be dead, but I’m still pretty”

2. Becoming Part II -  The fight between Buffy and Joyce, “No, it doesn’t stop! It never stops! Do you think I chose to be like this? You have any idea how lonely it is? How dangerous? I would love to be upstairs, watching TV or gossiping about boys or… God, even studying! But I have to save the world. Again.” The weight of the world is on Buffy’s shoulders, as it always is, and she is pretty much losing everything. This showdown with her mom was long overdue, and the absolute heartbreak of knowing that this young woman has to endure even more suffering to save the world is unbearable. I have to include the other pinnacle moment from this episode as a Buffy fan…when Angelus is taunting Buffy, “No weapons… no friends… no hope. Take all that away and what’s left?” and Buffy simply replies “Me.” THAT is Buffy Summers. No matter what the circumstances, she is there standing between us and the forces of darkness and nothing can break her.

3. Helpless - Buffy is being drugged by Giles on behalf of The Watchers. Throughout the episode we get a chance to see how terrifying her job is without any special abilities. The moment she marches in to save her mother from a viscous, rabid vampire, with no super powers to speak of, gives me chills. She is so scared, but she is Buffy. That means she puts aside her fear and fights. It was an incredible moment which proved that Buffy did not need super powers to be a hero. It is her heart and her mind that made her strong.

4. Earshot - The speech Buffy makes to Jonathan in the tower. It was so incredibly poignant and relevant to teenagers and all humanity, really “My life happens, on occasion, to suck beyond the telling of it…sometimes more than I can handle. And it’s not just mine. Every single person down there is ignoring your pain because they’re too busy with their own. The beautiful ones, the popular ones, the guys that pick on you, everyone. If you could hear what they were feeling: the loneliness, the confusion…it looks quiet down there. It’s not. It’s deafening.” It is so profound, and it makes us all realize that we need to look beyond the surface and empathize with others and understand that we aren’t the only ones to shed tears.

5. Family - The way Buffy sticks up for Tara in this episode makes me cry every single time. Tara had just screwed up. She made a mistake that could have cost the scoobies their lives, and prior to that Buffy had already been failing to click with or really understand Tara. But she understood her in that moment. She saw a woman who was desperate to fit in and be “normal”, she saw someone who, while being different, was fighting similar demons as the rest of the scoobies. She saw a woman who was being abused by her own blood, and she stood up for her. She welcomed Tara into the family with open arms, “You want her Mr. Maclay? You can go ahead and take her. You just gotta go through me…You heard me. You want to take Tara out of here against her will? You gotta come through me.” Mr. Maclay: “You people have no right to interfere with Tara’s affairs. We are her blood kin. Who the hell are you?” Buffy replies “We’re family.” This is just so moving. Family isn’t about blood. It’s not what you’re born with. It’s what you make. Buffy is the greatest friend, and given the compassion and understanding Tara shows for Buffy when Joyce dies and when Buffy comes back from Heaven, you can really see how much this moment meant to Tara.

6. Checkpoint - The scene where Buffy confronts The Watchers Council, “I’ve had a lot of people talking at me the last few days, everyone just lining up to tell me how unimportant I am, and I finally figured out why…power. I have it. They don’t. This bothers them. Glory came to my home today…just to talk. She told me I’m a bug, I’m a flea, she could squash me in a second. Only she didn’t. She came into my home and we had what in her warped mind probably passes for a civilized conversation, Why? Because she needs something from me. Because I have power over her. You guys didn’t come all the way from England to determine whether or not I was good enough to be let back in. You came to beg me to let you back in, to give your jobs…your lives…some semblance of meaning.” Buffy coming to the realization that everyone was trying to cut her down because they were threatened and intimated by her power is amazing. She owns it so well.

7. Blood Ties - The scene in the hospital with Dawn, “It’s Summer blood. It’s just like mine. You ARE my sister.” The way Buffy assures Dawn that she IS her sister, and that she loves her, not because of her duties as The Slayer, but because of the connection she feels to her as a sister. Dawn didn’t have to start out as her family, but like with Tara, we see that origins are not something that concerns Buffy. Family is made not born.

8. Intervention - The final scene with Spike. Buffy pretends to be the bot to find out if Spike told Glory about Dawn. When she realizes he would rather die than reveal this secret, she understands for the first time that his love for her is in fact real, and she takes pity on him with the gentlest of kisses. “What you did for me and for Dawn…THAT was real. I won’t forget it.”, and she doesn’t. It is Spike that she continually trusts to protect Dawn in her absence, above all others. As a Spuffy shipper, this scene obviously is one of my favorites, but as a fan of Buffy it ranks up there too. Buffy values loyalty and with Spike she ends up finding the greatest partner in her fight. Side note: The revelation that death is Buffy’s gift and that she is so full of love that she pulls away from it are also really amazing.

10. The Gift - The whole episode really. “But you’re just a girl.” “That’s what I keep saying.” and the staunch way she fights Giles over Dawn when he dares to say Dawn is not her sister, “You’re right. She’s more than that. She’s me. The monks made her out of me. When I hold her…I feel closer to her than… It’s not just the memories they built. It’s physical. Dawn… is a part of me. The only part that I…” then later Giles says that everyone in the world will die, including Dawn, and her response is the most perfect thing, “Then the last thing she’ll see is me protecting her.”. I also really love her later speech to Giles, “I sacrificed Angel to save the world. I loved him so much, but I knew what was right. I don’t have that anymore. I don’t know how to live in this world if these are the choices, if everything gets stripped away. I don’t see the point. I just wish that…I just wish that my mom was here.” In Becoming, Buffy was able to kill Angel. It was black and white, but now the world is gray, and she is asked to kill an innocent, an innocent that she loves more than she has ever loved ANYTHING. Then of course we have the sacrifice and the speech, “"Dawn, listen to me. Listen. I love you. I will always love you. But this is the work that I have to do. Tell Giles… tell Giles I figured it out. And, and I’m okay. And give my love to my friends. You have to take care of them now. You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Dawn, the hardest thing in this world… is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me.” Buffy never hesitates to give her life. It’s who she is. I don;t think any scene on the series makes me cry as much as this one. The beauty that is Buffy Summers… The amount of love in her heart and the way she gives it all for the people around her… I’m going to cry now just talking about it.

11. After Life - When Buffy reveals the horrible truth to Spike, “I was happy. Wherever I was… I was happy… at peace. I knew that everyone I cared about was all right. I knew it. Time… didn’t mean anything. Nothing had form. But I was still me, you know? And I was warm. And I was loved. And I was finished. Complete. I - I don’t understand theology or dimensions, any of it really… but I think I was in heaven. And now I’m not. I was torn out of there. Pulled out, by my friends. Everything here is hard and bright and violent. Everything I feel, everything I touch. This is Hell. Just getting through the next moment, and the one after that. Knowing what I’ve lost. They can never know. Never.” The heartbreaking revelation that this hero who sacrificed herself was ripped out of the ultimate happiness and thrown back into her world of violence and death is just so painful, and it sets up the season and Buffy’s depression, perfectly. And of course, being Buffy, she is still trying to save her friends from the massive guilt and regret they would feel for what they did. Obviously, it really wasn’t Buffy’s time, and she recovers and finds the desire to live in the world again, but the pain of loss in this scene is just so intense.

12. Conversations with Dead People/End of Days - Getting to the root of Buffy feeling both superior and inferior, “I feel like I’m worse than anyone. Honestly, I’m beneath them. My friends, my boyfriends. I feel like I’m not worthy of their love. ‘Cause even though they love me, it doesn’t mean anything ‘cause their opinions don’t matter. They don’t know. They haven’t been through what I’ve been through. They’re not the slayer. I am. Sometimes I feel…this is awful…I feel like I’m better than them. Superior.” I always love the scenes when Buffy discusses what it means to be The Slayer and the complexities of it. I couple this one with the scene between Buffy and Faith in End of Days when Faith says “Me, by myself all the time. I’m looking at you, everything you have, and, I don’t know… jealous. Then there I am. Everybody’s looking to me, trusting me to lead them, and I’ve never felt so alone in my entire life. And that’s you ever day, isn’t it?” to which Buffy replies “I love my friends. I’m very grateful for them. But that’s the price…being a slayer.” Faith finally grasps the severity and pressure that rests with Buffy, and is such an honest scene and a great finale for their relationship.

13. Bring on the Night - The end speech…it is seriously one of the most epic scenes ever written. Buffy was beaten to a pulp, nearly killed, and she walks down those stairs and she faces the group with the most resolute conviction and strength that I have ever seen on my television screen and says ” I’m beyond tired. I’m beyond scared. I’m standing on the mouth of hell, and it is gonna swallow me whole. And it’ll choke on me. We’re not ready? They’re not ready. They think we’re gonna wait for the end to come, like we always do. I’m done waiting. They want an apocalypse? Oh, we’ll give ‘em one. Anyone else who wants to run, do it now. 'Cause we just became an army. We just declared war. From now on, we won’t just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. We will find them, and cut out their hearts one by one, until The First shows itself for what it really is. And I’ll kill it myself. There is only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil, and that’s us. Any questions?“ If that doesn’t make you love Buffy…if that doesn’t give you serious chills, there is something wrong with you.

14. Showtime - When Buffy faces off with the ubervamp (Chaka Khan lol) to teach the whiny potentials a lesson…it is pure genius and just SO Buffy Summers “I’m the thing that monsters have nightmares about.” All Buffy needed to find was her confidence. Whenever she sets her mind to something, she does it. It’s not about the weapons. It is all in her strength of conviction. She decided to slay the ubervamp to make a point, and she did just that. “Here endeth the lesson.”

15. Chosen - Buffy shares the power of The Slayer with all potentials. It is such a lovely and empowering moment seeing so many women finding their strength and rising up. The plan Buffy concocts and the way it is executed is so amazing. As is the way she builds the confidence of Willow and of Spike, who play key roles in the fight. The way the battle shifts according to Buffy’s state, when she is down her side starts losing. But when we see her rise up and tell the first to get out of her face, the entire game changes. Of course the moment she finally admits to herself and to Spike that she loves him, as their hands clasp in flames while she both cries and smiles is just poetry. The revelation is so true and so beautiful. And there is her smile at the very end, at the realization that she no longer has to carry the weight of the world anymore. Perfection.

So yeah, I managed to leave off a ton of scenes I love like the way Buffy chooses Xander/Willow as her friends in Welcome to the Hellmouth when she could have picked the in crowd. There is the wonderful scene in The Prom when her peers recognize her for everything she does or the way she finds her strength again in season 4’s “The Freshman”. There’s also the moments of her teaching Dawn and the potentials how to fight and the way she goes into the vineyard to face Caleb alone in Touched. Not to mention the scenes in season 7 where she champions for Spike now that he has a soul or the scenes in Wrecked/Same Time Same Place where she accepts Willow despite her magic issues, first helping her with the addiction then literally giving Willow her power to help her heal. Gosh there are just so many. This is why Buffy Summers is by far the most brilliant, amazing, loyal, strong, courageous, and complex character ever created.

[tayegi]

This second chapter made me feel so much of everything, and I admire the OC for being so mature and put her anger aside. I feel sort of ashamed that it's not something I'd do hehe(seems like I need to grow more) I've never felt this way before but somehow your amazing writing makes me feel everything the OC feels! So thank your very much for sparing time to write all of this amazing stuff, even tho you're really busy. Really, thank you. I love you. ♥

Anonymous said:New rules isn't even about the boys for me anymore it's about this lowkey toxic friendship even if they've been friends for years that's the problem. OC couldn't talk to Mijoo about how she really felt not saying she should've told Mijoo to stay away from Jimin but let her know that it really hurt her feelings and Mijoo clearly didn't have a problem putting a boy over friendship. Even if it started with something small like this it could be the downfall to their friendship.

Anonymous said:I just wouldn't be able to trust Mijoo and that kinda ruins the whole friendship right then and there. It's I would think if she was so quick to ruin something for me for her over a guy what else will she do to put herself before me. I know friendships are important most of the time and the reader and Jimin were never together but I just wouldn't be able to associate with her. This is only what the reader is finding out now what else could Mijoo be hiding and I know it might not be that deep pt1

mirajoey said:Fml. I just hate how sweet demure pretty girls who are actual snake. And people keep misunderstanding 'ice queen but true' type of girls. Why do women need to be attractive (pretty) but superficial af to please men? My ex-crush is in relationship with my bestfriend tho😂 she and my other girl keep mocking me for being the only single ass in the group. Idk if they are intentional or not. I'm about to say fuck off bitch whenever they do that. But i'm a softie for friends. So yeah, am i weak?

Anonymous said:i feel like all this hate towards mijoo and the desire to hurt her is exactly how the oc initially reacted, and everyone who had sent in asks about physically hurting her is an instantaneous reaction, but will not actually do so. its kind of like being so angry during an argument with someone that you say things you dont mean. don't take it at heart. im one of the anons who sent in something about hurting her, and i would not in any way physically harm a person. much less a best friend.

Anonymous said:NR 2, Great writing as always. But I wouldnt have been as forgiving, maybe after a day or 2 we could talk things through with her after that. I get why some friendships crumble because of that. Its not because of the guy but because of the betrayal. It would hurt so much more from a friend you trust and have been open with all this. It just means they didnt choose to trust you with the truth and she didnt even admit it after all this time.

Anonymous said:wow that Mijoo... I have two thoughts: 1. "I hate snakeu" and 2. Haven't she heard the phrase, fries before guys? btw I would cut all connections with a "friend" like that. But you are wonderful Lu and never fail to amaze us♡ Thank you for sharing such quality contents so often~ Have a nice day!

Anonymous said:oH MY GOD! New rules 2 had me screeching. Bruh you make me so sad but i love it. Im in emotional turmoil for OC. Im. I just dont know man. Her friends are such asses.

Anonymous said:Ahh new rules hit me so hard, i actually cried! I relate so much to the oc and my own best friend of over 10 years pulled that shit on me and I was so, so hurt that I didn't even cared about the guy anymore but her betrayal really hit me....ahhh anyway that's such a emotional ride!!!! I love your writing 💕

Anonymous said:new rules makes me really sad of how friendships are always regarded as smth less than relationships. and the worst part is people around me would literally question me abt why im so against relationships when im not? i just feel like relationships and friendships are different but equally important.. it's so upsetting to know that friends that you treasure dont treasure you in the same way just because u r not their partner.

Anonymous said:Forgive me if I'm reading way too much into this, but I think the reason Mijo's betrayal brought so many strong emotions in a lot of readers is because most women "dread" something like that happening.. No one wants the "girls hate other girls/pick guys over friendships" stereotype to be true because it IS an awful stereotype, so when it happens (cause some people are awful and some of those people are girls) it's really heartbreaking.. 1/?

Anonymous said:the act alone is terrible but add to it that this proved the stereotype for some people and it can really sting!!I think that's the reason why "Mean Girls" is so popular! It satirizes that feeling and makes it funny/tolerable! The OC is acting in a mature way but given that she's a feminist it can also be that she doesn't want to prove that stereotype and wants to act above it! 2/?

Anonymous said:It's very understandable BUT no one would expect boys/men to be friends after something like that because it WAS hurtful and selfish and awful and Mijoo shouldn't get a pass just because she's a girl and OC wants to prove a point! Remove jimin from the equation and add a job promotion with Mijoo being sneaky and getting it instead of OC for reasons SHE instigated and it should be clear why OC needs to be angry! 3/4

Anonymous said:They should at least argue about it with a line in the sand drawn if it happens again! *not saying you should do that of course, the story is a stroy and should have this kind of layers/complex feelings, I'm talking in a real life scenario I guess* sorry to dump all this on you but it brought so many feelings and I had to write them down!! What do you think? A stretch? 4/4

Anonymous said:There would have been at minimum a month of radio silence from me if I were OC and one of my girl friends pulled a stunt like M.

Anonymous said:To be honest, I feel like maybe how the MC handled Mijoo maybe wasn't the mature thing to do? I guess in the past I always felt like being mature was keeping friends no matter what they pulled, but lately I feel like cutting off toxic friends actually is sometimes the best way to handle things? Like not causing a scene, or anything. It's just that I've come to value trust and respect in my relationships, and after part two I feel like I personally cannot trust or respect her. Just some thoughts!

Anonymous said:how is the OC so patient and... nice ?!!1!1!1 if i were her i’d be a salty ass bitch at mijoo like heck you just stole my crush away from me just because YOU like him. kdndksjsoana i feel aNgEr

Anonymous said:i hope karma fucks mijoo in the ass. i hate everything and i hope jungkook gets his ass whooped too so he can actually act like a human being for once. thanks for writing new rules

Anonymous said:As much as the OC is remarkable for her self sacrifice I feel Jimin had the right to know what happened and Mijoo really needs to know that what she did was not okay. Sure OC didn’t do the wrong thing by throwing a tantrum and ruining Mijoo’s life but I just felt like honest communication is necessary. This brings me to the point that I like how you write realistic stories because in life decisions aren’t so black and white.

Anonymous said:Yes I totally get you Lu. And in all honesty, I wouldn't have forgiven her. I wouldn't have caused that much or big of a scene, but I would have definitely ended my 'friendship' right then and there. It irritated me though that OC even went up to her and touched her asdsfhk. I would have went to sleep. I once had a friend who did the same shit twice. She dated the boys I liked, knowing about my feelings for each of them and then acted innocent. It felt like reading about me. - Reasoning Anon

Anonymous said:And the worst part is that I felt exactly the same way OC did. I just can't be mean to people. No matter how much I despise them. No matter how much they hurt or angered me. Because then I feel so evil, so I let it happen. Then I leash out on other people who never did (Jungkook). I just let them hurt me. And then I feel guilty about having mean thoughts about them. And when OC thought and felt like the asshole, the monster ... man. I already hate this story, go away 😩 - Reasoning Anon

Anonymous said:the oc in new rules is like waaay too kind to her "best friend", why would a "best friend" sabotage a girl's chance to get with a guy who genuinely likes her i still don't understand. it doesn't matter if the "best friend" likes the guy, i am betting the oc is some martyr to be that sacrificial. i would drop my "best friend" if she tried that on me

Anonymous said:LIVID. I'm so angry that Mijoo never gave OC Jimin's confession note, then had the nerve to involve OC as she was stressing over him. I'm frustrated that OC puts Mijoo on a pedestal just bc she's pretty, & seems to see Mijoo as more deserving of happiness than herself. Mijoo is a snake & deserves to be exposed bc she did both Jimin and OC dirty by not giving her his note. She deprived them both of what they wanted, & any relationship she now has w Jimin is tainted by what she did to him a yr ago

Anonymous said:I can only hope that Jimin wakes up and realizes what a snake Mijoo is. With a girl like her, I doubt their relationship can work out (or at least that's what I hope).

Anonymous said:mijoo gotta go

Anonymous said:I'm in love with new rules omg if I found out my best friend hid something like that from me I would be livid I don't know how she kept her cool. Can't wait for the next part! 💖💖💖

Anonymous said:Omg her friend is a snake and she's too forgiving 🤧😫😩 I just want to grab OC's shoulders and shake some sense into her, she's allowed to be angry at her friend, she's deserves to be happy too. I'm excited to see how the rest of this story is gonna develop, I really love all your writing. You have such a way with words that makes me feel like I watching a movie rather than just reading a story. 👌❤️👌

bangtanboys-hoe said:This may be the bitch in me talking but I would've made her feel like shit. I would move out, block her number, and tell Jimin everything. I would've made her life a living hell hole. But this is just a story and I'm too nice of a person to do that.

Anonymous said:okay first how's your day, how you're doing. And second MIJOO IS SUCH A BITCH NO FUCK FHAT. WHAT HAPPENED TO LOYALTY, OC GAVE UP HER LIVE AND MIJOO DECIDED TO TAKE IT DOE SELF. FUCK JIMIN (I love you jimin) BUT BOTH OF THEM FUCK UP THEIR FRIENDSHIP. I couldn't even enjoy the smut I'm so mad. Plus GOOD JOB ON THE NEW CHAPTER! It's really good! Hope you have a good day :)

Anonymous said:Fuck mijoo AHHSGAHHDH WHY WHY WHY

omg im very overwhelmed by the incredible response to ch 2 of new rules and i feel so bad but i srsly cant answer all of your messages. But the intense reactions this fic inspired is so shocking yet understandable. I just hope you all aren’t too upset and that you can have an open mind for the next chapter ^^